Really struggling right now...

It occurs to me that today was the day for my schools tournament. I'm not there. I haven't even been to class for three weeks. The mere thought of going leaves me filled with this childish "I don' wanna" feeling. I haven't missed it at all. Quite the opposite. It's almost been a relief.

I've long admitted the only reason I've not walked away already is simply out of a long standing drive to finish things I start and follow through with commitments made. But maybe its time to just ... give up?

Or am I just being a baby about it? Do I just need to man up, stop whimpering like a child and handle my business?

I still have time to prepare for the BB test in November. 8 weeks should be enough if I practice continuously (I just literally went 'ugh' in my brain).

To be honest, when I think about how little I've learned and how many injuries I've suffered in class and how they will plague me for the rest of my life, I get more than a little angry. Dont even get me started on the money I've spent. Then again, maybe my expectations are just unrealistic? I mean, how good COULD I be with two 50 minute classes a week and a bit of practice on my own - alone, facing a mirror?

Unfortunately, unlike Kata, trying to practice HKD without a partner is less than effective. It's difficult to practice throwing yourself.

I fear I'm a little disillusioned with the entire sphere of MA as well. Next week I'm supposed to have my trial with JKDbyNic and to be honest I have zero excitement about it.

I'm finding myself considering, heavily, just going back to lifting as a form of exercise and leaving the whole MA scene behind. So much bickering, and gimmickery. This guys better than that guy, this schools better than that one, instructors just out to make money, ineffective technique... its all so... messy and convoluted. At least her, in my area.

Anyway, I have so much running through my noggin right now I just had to get it out. Feel free to comment, but try to be helpful, please? Although, I'm always a sucker for cheesy humor so that being welcome should be a given

Thanks all.

 

I felt something like that after my online dispute with my last teacher back in April 2011 and the months of doing some gym based MA/ninjutsu training and lifting on the other nights when it was just going to get more and more awkward going back, though I'd had reservations about some aspects of class training, partnering and some of the cliqueness within the club.

I started Judo with some of that baggage, whenever I had a difficult time in class or an injury that made me question what I was doing in something that was a contact sport at my age, who was I kidding. But recently I've started to 'get' stuff in a way I wasn't before. I still have bad classes and still get injuries and miss class occasionally. I dunno if going out with the guys to the pub helped but I do feel more positive about being part of a club as well as my own progress.

However, since the gym shut down I haven't looked at joining up with another. I was getting a bit disillusioned with the lifting on my own, and just lifting to get a PB not seeming to feel I was really fit. Now I live for Judo but the weights, well maybe I'll get interested in it again, maybe this is my extended deload period

 

I think that training in any sort of martial art for a belt or qualification is sort of pathetic. I've sparred people in Issinryu Karate who couldn't handle an aggressive 17 year old kid with no real fighting experience but had rank, MMA guys who are great at BJJ but can't do a thing to you when you start throwing punches into rolling around, and currently guys who look like a champion boxer when they hit the heavy bag, jump rope, speed bag/double end bag or any other boxing drill, but the once in a blue moon they get into the ring and take a stiff jab to the face they really suck. For me it has ALWAYS been about practicality and the ability to execute a fighting technique on somebody who is fighting back.

That said, the way I go about it isn't for everyone. Given the little bit we've talked via PM or on forums I don't think you're the type of person who is happy with just going through the motions. Doing repetitions on bench press to stay strong isn't enough for you, you want to push 500+ lbs. Having a blown out knee you just had surgery on doesn't matter to you, you have goals and aspirations. Going to a HKD school (especially the kind that you have described on this forum) that isn't even really into HKD I don't think is doing it for you and you're letting the "finish what I started" mindset blind you from it. In all honesty, what is a BB from a piece of crap school going to mean when you run across a BB from a HKD school that really trains? Nothing. Just like learning how to boxercise and get good at all the drills for boxing will mean absolutely nothing when somebody punches you in the face and you see that white light, and then the follow up punches make you see a much closer view of the ring floor.

I don't think you've lost your interest in martial arts though. You wrote a post about a different instructor coming in that was all about HKD and you sounded really excited about it. Were you just trying to cling to one last strand of hope, or was the "this is real" aspect appeal to you because that's the path in a lot of things you like to take?

I think you should still try out the JKD and see if a spark re-ignites for you. If it doesn't then maybe it's time to think about something else? As far as injuries go and aging, if you find you're still into the whole martial arts thing if you find a real gym with real training, talk to your sparring partners and instructors and deal with it. I've had to REALLY slow down my ability in both an Isshinryu, MMA, and Boxing environment with older, less experienced, or recovering people and it's still not a loss of experience to me (if that's a possible concern of yours for telling people to slow down). I've also had to ask other people to slow down because I've been injured or less experienced. It's just something you deal with and move on with.

In the end, do what makes you happy man. If you want to be able to defend yourself as a bodybuilder and strength athlete I don't think you have as many worries as most people to be honest : P. If I was robbing people on the street you wouldn't be a target of mine if you were walking down a dark alleyway by yourself, and that's coming from another 200+ lbs dude who is very into martial arts.

Anywho, you probably won't even read this post since it's so long so I'll stop here : P.

 

I largely agree. For me it simply represented reaching the goal I was always deprived of before. I always wanted to unlock the door to the BB club, lol. For me its more of what it signifies to me personally, rather than an indicator of my ability. I'm with you, I've seen brown belts that were incredible and 3rd Dans that made me wonder if they'd actually ever attended a class!

Wow. Thats a powerful paragraph. I'm impressed that you see those qualities in me - and humbled. And you make a solid point regarding the worth of any belt from a school like this one. I hadn't looked at it like that before - though it HAS been said. A friend suggested that my mind is already made up and the only conflict I feel is that of reconciling my heart to my mind. She may be right.

I like the thought of something applicable, relatable and practicle. Here's the thing. I can already defend myself. I know how to get out of a jam. But I want to CONTROL that situation. Thats why I took HKD. I felt (And still feel) that with REAL HKD I have the ability to control my attacker and the level of pain I expose him to. I like that thought. I have hurt people. Badly. And I dont like it. I keep saying any 6 year old knows how to blast someone in the boogerbox, it doesnt take any training to pound on someone. But it DOES if you want to avoid that. Maybe JKD will give me what HKD didnt. Maybe I just needed to get the letters right?

Thanks Ero. I appreciate that very much.

 

I think most of us, as adults with families and injuries to contend with, go through periods where we're on/off training depending on our personal lives. I've started and stopped training dozens of times, moved around way more than a sane person should, and decided to switch schools when I needed a change of pace a few times. Who knows if you're just going through blackbeltitus or if it is time to retire? You shouldn't be getting injured frequently unless you're going at it too aggressively for your experience level or your school is being run in an unsafe manner though. Personally, I would give the JKD experience a shot before reevaluating everything. You might also try a ground-based system. Personally, I feel ground systems are a little safer because you don't have as many flailing limbs and gravity to contend with. And try to just ignore the BS politics in the MA world and focus on why you are training the way you are training. Of course the politics will seem a lot more contentious online with everyone flexing their epeens.

Good luck in your decision.

(And if you end up not currently training in any MA schools, that doesn't mean you hafta stop coming here to chat with all of us. It's never stopped me.)

 

I've been through a similar situation. Around the time my sensei started preparing me to take my BB exam in Shorinji Kempo, I began to feel disillusioned with my training. Like you, I was unhappy with the progress I was making because of the club's two-class-per-week schedule, but I decided to stick with it and do the shodan test. I thought that maybe I was feeling down just due to the stress of preparing for the test, and that after I got my BB everything would be OK.

I was wrong. I attended exactly one class as a black belt, and then decided that it wasn't for me. I didn't feel excited by the martial art I was studying, and I didn't feel that I was learning the skills that I wanted. It was a hard decision, leaving behind my years of training and many good friends that I made at the dojo, but I sucked it up and left. I decided that I wanted to give martial arts another shot, so decided to train in something totally different. In my case, this was BJJ, and after my first trial class I knew that I had found what I was looking for. I found that it wasn't so much that I was disillusioned with martial arts, just that I was disillusioned by the martial art that I had been practising, and it had started to skew my view of the entire MA world.

So, from my experience and what others have said on this thread, you might benefit greatly by trying JKD. Let it be a litmus test for you. If you like it, then the problem lies only with your current training, and you should take steps (however difficult they may be) to move on to something more able to give you what you're looking for. If you don't like it, then you know that maybe you're past the point of interest in MA, and you can hang up your dogi without regrets or reservation.

 

God love ya, Frod. I know I do. That made me LOL for real

 

It's been said already, but...take a break! I did the same. I was doing MMA for years and was really involved in the gym, I got sick of a lot of stuff to do with MAs (the bickering etc) and felt bad about my progression after doing some submission wrestling comps. I did ok, but not what I wanted. A whole bunch of other reasons too.

So...I took a short break...that ended up being about 5 years. When I got back into doing something I decided to forget the debates and do something that was fun! For me that is FMAs. I also said I would focus on my own training and that alone.

I did a whole bunch of other stuff in those years out of the gym; board sports, learned to play guitar better, wall climbing, some crossfit...The break was good and really needed.

I know it's not an easy decision to make, but you'll find your way back if you're serious about your MAs.

 

On the internet, everyone slags off everyone else and their art. If you enjoy what you do, who cares. If you don't, it's time to reassess. Only you can decide if you want to do hkd or ma in general. There's a lot of tosh around, but that can be said about anything.

You may find the jkd gives you something to get you going, but it may not. Also, ma has never been the pseudo philosophical 'way' that some like to think of it as, and as you've said, a black belt doesn't mean much beyond what value you place on it.

TL;DR - do what makes you happy, and find out what that is.

 

Bigmikey, firstly I am sorry you are struggling right now. Don't feel alone though in your situation. I would wager there is a huge drop out rate just before black belt and after black belt in the martial arts. I know one guy who studied multiple martial arts up to brown belt and never got his black belt... he kept switching to a new martial art every few years or so. He did this for over 15 years before deciding to just train on his own.

What I saying is you are pretty typical in what you are probably going through and NO ONE is going to hold it against you no matter what you decide to do. "People do what they have to do" as my long time karate Sensei would say.

Just to give some humble advice... treat everything as a test. There are no right or wrong answers for this test, but there are right or wrong actions. Action speaks louder than words. If you decide to go for your black belt, then make it your top priority at this point to train like it is your next ring fight. In other words, make no excuses. On the other hand, if you drop out, there are no regrets, stick with your decision. Don't be wish washy, middle of the road.

 

i know that feeling man, with me it was the fact that i was ( at least i thought) doing MA for self defence, i thought i was a simple matter of if i practiced punching and kicking and not getting punched or kicked, I would have an edge on the guys in the street that didnt. Then i did some reading in terms of Geoff Thomspon etc and found out that what i was studying was next to useless for what i wanted it for.
So what i did was I decided this. I took a long break then decided that I would watch a lot of videos of people in real violent situations, bar brawls, street fights, arguments in sporting events. all of that, though most of the time when i lived in london all I had to do was look out of the window and see if what an art had to offer looked like it trained me to deal with stuff like that. Mad rushes out of nowhere, someone getting right up in your face and then just jumping you etc. What i came out with was i watched some videos of combatives and what they were training looked alot like what i saw, and decided that was what to go for. If your techniques are simple as hit the guy anywhere you can with a closed hand or a knee or whatever, you dont worry about the technique being effective.

But that was me and what i wanted from MA , there are many reasons people can do MA, but if what you are doing is not giving you what you started training for leave. Why stay. You may have been there a while, but if you where in a prison cell for ages, wouldnt you leave if you could?

 

Do Muay Thai.

 

maybe just take a break for a while and try something else.
i get into the same mood with MA stuff, sometimes you have to push past it but sometimes you have to stop and give yourself a break.

You seem to have a lot of demotivation, and thats further increased when you feel like your not fulfilling the goals you initially set out (which sounds very much like your situation)

try something new, make new goals and come back to hapkido with those new goals or try JKD with new goals.

 

I was thinking go on a holiday before I seen Mitch;s post, but yea do what the man says,

Raz ^_^

 

You should be thankful that you have enough self-awareness to realise that your martial art does not fit your requirements. Many people spend a lifetime dedicating themselves to an art that subconsciously they know is completely useless.

Choosing a move from Hapkido to JKD may not be the best option for you. Both those arts target a similar type of student, they are both generalist arts, claiming to teach all ranges (weapons, striking, grappling etc). Neither Hapkido nor JKD actively test their skills outside the Dojo/Dojang. You may be better trying something completely different as opposed to something so similar (at least in terms of philosophy). Perhaps you should consider trying one of the so-called "sport arts", I think that you would enjoy the increased focus and intensity of training.

 

I would be extremely "awwww maaaaaannnn, this is gonna' suck" if a guy like Bigmikey came into a BJJ or Wrestling or Judo gym I was a part of and had to roll with him as a sparring partner.