My instructor after each lesson tells a joke...this week she had some really good ones, so I got her to write them down for me and here they are: Oath to my friend When you are sad...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking weasel who made you sad. When you are scared...I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get. When you are worried...I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining. When you are confused...I will use little words to explain it to you. When you are lost...I will answer my cell phone and give you directions. When you are sick...I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god. And when you fall...I will point and laugh at you. This is my oath...I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend, and the whole reason people have friends is to have fun. The Bathtub Test During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criteria was that defines a patient as insane enough as to be institutionalised. "Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub. We offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon." "No," answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug." This guy looks familiar An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son." :Angel: My favourite's the last one
Here's another one... Revenge is sweet There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's ****. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!" *shakes head* My instructor loves the dirty ones...
