Parental Dilemma

Discussion in 'Competitors Corner' started by Pretty In Pink, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    My Mum and Dad get irrationally upset whenever I lose a fight. Like they don't understand why I don't "just take their head off" or "get angry".

    It's getting ridiculous. They were also unhappy that I won a fight but took damage and wondered why I didn't "just take them down". It's quite upsetting and off-putting. And I know if I do knock the next guy out I'm going to get the "I told you so" treatment like it was all their doing. It's getting really nippy.


    EDIT: ironically now I'm angry.
  2. Madao13

    Madao13 Valued Member

    Many parents behave like this. Like they know everything.

    At least your parents care about you and get very emotionally involved when you fight.
    You could try and focus on this, bright side.
  3. aaradia

    aaradia Choy Li Fut and Yang Tai Chi Chuan Student Moderator Supporter

    Maybe you could watch some other fights together, not yours. Like the UFC. And use it as a chance to "chat" - the chatting really being a chance to teach them about fighting and what is going on during fighting?

    A way to educate them in a non-lecturing no pressure way?
  4. Van Zandt

    Van Zandt Mr. High Kick

    Disown them? :dunno:
  5. Ular Sawa

    Ular Sawa Valued Member

    They seem to be very confident in your abilities but think you could stand to apply yourself a little more? Sounds like a normal set of parents....
  6. Latikos

    Latikos Valued Member

    And there I was - expecting a "Help me, I did a mistake and now I become a dad!" ;)

    Maybe I got weird Mom, but once I explained to her, that it's not as easy as it looks, she only goes the "just do this and that" to annoy me on purpose.
    Then again, I don't compete, so...

    Maybe show them that it's not as easy, when you don't know what's coming.
    Or don't let them watch anymore; which probably would be my favorite :eek:
  7. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    That's exactly what mine does and so does my dad. They want me to be more aggressive and they were also wondering how I was getting taken down so easily. It really isn't that easy and it drives me crazy.
  8. Travess

    Travess The Welsh MAPper Supporter

    My Mum is the same with me, always commenting that I cannot be as good as I think I am, or as good as others tell me I am if I am constantly covered in bruises and/or nursing an injury - No matter the length of the conversation that follows, or how much I do to dissuade her 'concerns', I know I'll be faced with exactly the same remarks on my next visit...

  9. Latikos

    Latikos Valued Member

    I'm lucky really: When I hurt my shoulder and told her how it happened (nothing major: My partner wanted to turn me on my back during randori; when I was on my side he made himself heavy and bamm joint capsule was strained) her first question was: "Why would you be on your tummy? You start on the knees!"

    After that it was really done by explaining and now, if she says things like that, she really only does it to annoy me, not because she thinks it's that easy.
    It's still driving me nuts all now and then, because the jokes gets stale real quick.

    If I were to compete (I'd like to try it at some point, if there is a senior or beginner class, because I would end up dead anyway :D ), I just wouldn't let her watch, to be honest.
    Luckily she accepts that.
    I think.

    EDIT: @Travess: When I come home covered in bruises mine just goes: "Ugh, again? Don't fuss!" :D
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2017
  10. Travess

    Travess The Welsh MAPper Supporter

    That was my Wife, for the 1st few years at least, now she'll only even acknowledge them if she thinks that I haven't noticed them myself - Which happens.

    Coincidentally, on a related note, I am currently watching Idris Elba's new documentary, about him becoming a pro K-1 fighter, and it has just shown (with subtitles) a telephone coversation that he had with his Mum, and which definitely knocked his confidence...

    Last edited: Jan 18, 2017
  11. Tom bayley

    Tom bayley Valued Member

    Relationships with parents/ loved ones are often difficult. It is totally reasonable to hope that they understand, but understanding is hard for anyone and the people we care about are no different. The important thing is that they care.
  12. Fish Of Doom

    Fish Of Doom Will : Mind : Motion Supporter

    Have you brought them over to watch training sessions and speak to your coach and teammates and such? That may or may not go a ways towards helping them understand what the sport is like, by actually seeing it from the inside, or as close to it as possible without actually doing it (then again... *evil laugh*).
  13. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    I doubt it comes down to critiquing your technique, though obviously I don't know them.

    If I were not involved in MA and my son/daughter was fighting, I'd want them to win, but I'd also want them to win in a manner that left them soaking up as little punishment as possible.

    In other words, if they could take their opponent down and sub them immediately, nobody gets hurt, we're all good.

    If that can't happen, knock the opponent out, or hit them then sub them, etc.

    Add to that the adrenaline of the situation. Not your adrenaline, but the adrenaline hit that affects them, but which they are helpless to do anything about because they're not in the ring.

    Add to that possible parental memories of nurturing and protecting you from everything, yet now watching you step into a cage to fight someone.

    Now, some parents have been involved in some aspects of MA before their kids compete. Believe me, those parents still feel that stuff, they just know to temper it somewhat. But those who have never competed? They have it tough.

    I'd approach them with that in mind. Explain how you know it must be tough for them to watch you, say that you can imagine how they feel, but point out that your coach is a pro and has prepared you for the fight, and you have a gameplan. Make sure they know you have to be concentrating, and that you absolutely want their support, but that this is one of those areas where they have to let go and trust your teachers. Because if your parents weren't equipped to teach your GCSEs, they're not equipped to teach you how to win a bout.

    Obviously, this will not stop any of those feelings they have :D But it might let you explain to them how to deal with them and how to support you in focusing rather than distracting you from it :)

    Best of luck!


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