Hey guys. Class ended today (hot as hell at the school today) and as we all lined up at the end of class Coach said he was going to take care of a few promotions. He handed out some stripes and then pulled a blue belt and called my name. I was completely surprised. I won't bore you by describing in detail my innermost feelings. Suffice to say that when I heard my name, the first thing that went through it was, "Oh sh$$!" The second was, "I'm going to have to seriously step up my game."
Congratulations, and funny enough I just read this 5 mins ago. Apparently it is by John Kavanagh. He's Irish so it may explain it. White belt – enjoy this time. You have the right to ‘spaz out’ all the time and nobody can get ****ed with you coz you’re a white belt. Nothing expected of you except you get tapped out by everyone. its in your contract that you must ignore all advice to 'relax' when rolling, you must instead contract all your muscle groups 100% and then flip out. Blue belt – start getting used to expectation. You are expected to be able to control and tap every white belt you go with or else you’re a ‘weak blue’. This is in your contract, read it carefully. Blue belt is also known as the ‘accumulation belt’. According to your contract you must accumulate any and all techniques from any and all sources; you may even believe you are coming up with your own stuff – until you see it in some old judo book of course. It’s also in your contract that when rolling with higher belts you must time your roll and then discuss with other blue belters how long you lasted and attempt to compare them with other higher belts. You must also practice certain phrases now, such as when that judo BB grinds you into the mat you can comfort yourself he was just ‘using attributes’. According to your contract you must also begin working on your ‘contradiction skillz’ (perfected at purple belt). So when you see a technique demonstrated you immediately scan through your database of stored moves and come up with the counter (its important to ignore the fact that EVERY move has a counter). When it comes to practice time you must show your white belt partner the counter or better yet the variation on that same technique you were shown by a BJJ-celebrity (this theme is concentrated on at purple belt but important to introduce it now). Purple belt – as with all belts you must be able to control and submit, regardless of weight etc, any and all belts below you or you’re a ‘weak purple’. According to your contract you must develop a slight Brazilian accent when teaching or talking at white belts (purple belts should never talk ‘to’ a white belt). Its important to know the name of every technique and every mundial champ, work on having some anecdotes that place you and said mundial champ in funny situations together – “haha then he turns to me and says ‘that’s not my camel’ oh we laughed for hours”. Brown belt – read the fine print of this contract. By signing this you are agreeing to remain in a certain physical condition for the rest of your training life. The excuse ‘oh I’m way out of shape’ just will not fly anymore. Regardless of injury/sickness etc you MUST be able to control and submit all lower belts, even that mundial blue belt stud gunning for yah after you’ve been on the beer the night before. So before you sign that contract, think about it! Black belt contract – are you really sure you want to sign this? Seriously have your lawyer check it with you, you may decide against it! Here are just a couple of things in it 1- You must develop this magical quality that when you roll with a blue/purple and they inevitably ask you ‘so what should I do to improve’ you must be able to dramatically improve their game by showing them an exact certain technique. Any response like ‘you just need more mat time’, or ‘relax more when rolling’ i.e. ‘real answers’ just will not do! 2- You must have a stunt speech at the ready for ‘black belt’ questions like “gi or no-gi?”, “could rickson beat sakuraba”, “attributes or technique”, “leglocks?” and so on. 3- According to your contract you must also remain in physical shape to be able to beat all lower belts plus any belt from any other system So before agreeing to your next promotion read that contract carefully and ask yourself is it really worth the hassle?
Well done fella, good work. It's a great that you're already adjusting to your next target and realising the work involved. Don't forget to give yourself a well earned pat on the back too though! Rob
Thanks, guys. I can't wait to get back to class now. Piratebrido, that is hilarious. At least, I hope it's tongue in cheek, otherwise I'm doomed. Doomed, I tell ya.
Congrats! Apparently your now magically untappable by white belts . Oh and that John Kavanagh guys thing was good... humour must run in the Kavanagh family... what a wonderful name .
CKava, I think I'm going to need to remind the white belts often. I'll spend the afternoon focusing my chi.
Sweet. Plus, I've got 11 ranks in Escape Artist and 6 in Tumbling. Add +2 synergy bonus and I'm damn near invincible now! Does the AC bonus stack with the AC bonus I get from wearing a Lucky Gi?
If you are using the 3rd addition rules, yes. If not, no. Can we stop now? I feel my cool evapourating as I type!
