SITUATION 4: You have been invited to the house of a prominent official for dinner. When taking your leave do you: A. Compliment the host's wife for cooking an excellent dinner. B. Compliment her on her chioce of chef. C. Compliment her on her lovely home and fine dinner in general. This one runs until Sunday. Have fun Pat
it really depends on where they live, and if they have a cook. i'd be more inclined to pick C. -nico-
IMHO, the guy with the stick only got what he was asking for. Arrogance is the same, regardless of race or nationality. I'm sure I'd get the same "welcome" if I said something that careless in some other country. The cabbie with the gun is a total jerk as well, but I'm not all that surprised when you consider: a) there are thousands of unlicensed firearms here. And more being made in Danao, as mentioned by shootodog. b) a number of cops moonlight as cabbies. hey, welcome to the Philippines..
C. but it suggest spreading the compliments around for maximum effect. Upon entering the house, compliment the family on the house. While having dinner, compliment the wife for her cooking, ask her what culinary school she graduated from As you leave, thank them for dinner and follow up with another comment on the excellent food.
C is the best bet. I grew up doing this, even though we are in the US; I still do this. I agree with others, sprinkle complements throughout the time spent.
Hi, All. Pretty cool thread. I just want to add. A cousin of mine from the US visited & went to our province for a vacation. It was very timely as well as it was the town's fiesta that time. Of course the whole family was there & as w/ any fiestas you'd experience in any town in the Phils., all the houses are open for everyone. Anyway, Filipinos would always invite you to eat (more so during parties, fiestas, etc.) & we were all doing the same to our cousin & her husband who was American. It was a shock (although we did not show it) to all of us who heard my cousin's husband telling her (irrately) that it's annoying (i'm being polite here) for everyone asking him to eat when he's full. If he wasn't family, tsk, tsk... So understand that during gatherings, fiestas, parties, etc. Filipinos love that you taste the food they prepare. If you're full, even a spoonful's worth of food on your plate is enough. Declining an offer during these parties, most especially in the provinces, is considered very rude by the locals. Of course as was said, you have to compliment the cooking. Btw, the cab driver was very nice to the kid twirling the stick around. If the kid complained about the incident to the police, I'm pretty sure they'd tell him they'll find the driver but would start laughing about it once they drive off in the car/jeep.
hahaha! that's true ferdie! i remember my canadian cousins during their first ever vacation here in the philippines. it was also a town fiesta, and while they were at the first house, they ate till they're full. when their mom told them that's they're going to the next house to eat, they wondered why....coz they've just ate a lot. to cut my story short, they're mom insisted that it's the culture here and that they should really go, they went to 7 houses, ate in each one, and they were so full, they had a hard time walking... and their eyes are like that of a dizzy/drunk person. i could just imagine how hard it is to have eaten so many in a day... during their second visit, when we invited them, they've saved their appetite and was able to cope up with the challenge
hey ferdz! it was fun training tonight! anyway, to get back on topic, that story was so true. fiestas are so fun to go to! too bad i've only been to a few (and this was when i was a child). i also agree about the taxi driver story. the cops would have just said "we'll look into it," then laugh about it afterwards. *sigh* the philippine justice system really is the best the money can buy. -nico-
I have to say, most of the 'correct' answers to these questions would apply anywhere. It's very interesting though, thanks.
I'd pick letter C I would pick letter C. Prominent official's wives rarely cook dinner, leaving that to house-help. "Complimenting" the wife for cooking the meal may be mistaken by the official and his family as calling the wife/mother a katulong (house-help) and be perceived as insulting. So letter A usually does not apply unless the woman of the house mentions herself that she cooked the whole or part of the meal. Furthermore, letter A can only be really safely done by another woman because the husband may get terribly jealous if his wife is complimented by another man. Complimenting the wife for "her choice" of chef might be misunderstood by some ladies as dismissive of themselves. Honestly, I have not yet found a rich Filipina who was flattered when her katulong was praised instead of her. Yes, a European may compliment "her choice of chef" but what the prominent Filipina will hear is a compliment directed at her chef. More middle-class Filipinas will get the European's intended meaning, but prominent families pride themselves on being aristocratic. I'd pick C because it is safely general in nature. The family who receives this compliment then can attach whatever particular meaning to the compliment, whether good or bad. But at least the guests and the hosts would have both saved face. :cry: Very sad, but just too true! What compounds the justice system in the Philippines is a corrupted version of utang na loob (gratitude) and pakikisama (a term which I cannot find an English word that would fit). And unfortunately, it is the dream of many Filipinos to humiliate any foreigner for any pretense. The cab driver was probably a Fernando Poe, Jr. or Robin Padilla fan/wannabe.
In a sense, yes they would. The big difference though would be the intensity of the offense to Filipinos. For instance (while it is simply polite to at least taste the food prepared for the guest) in the US, it's alright if the guest declines by saying he is full or that he doesn't even eat such a dish. In the Philippines, however, it "hurts" (couldn't think of a better word right now) the one who prepared the food if the guest doesn't even taste a spoonful of anything. Going a little off topic, in the streets, if you happen to pass by a group of men drinking & they asked you to have a shot, it is customary that you take one. They usually take offense when you decline to the point that they may even gang up on you. Niks, good to know you enjoyed training! We're climbing soon!
I beg to disagree on this statement. While the influence of Filipino action stars to a great big chunk of the population is ridiculously true, the experience w/ the cab driver wasn't a reflection of that influence. The cab driver may have just been entertained upon seeing a tourist playing w/ sticks & simply asked if he knows arnis & if he wants to play (w/ or w/o the intention of ridiculing the arnis skills being displayed by the foreigner). The kid could've just said, "No, I just know a little" and walked away. "No thanks, I will kill you." is pretty much offensive as offensive would get. A foreigner in another land, telling one of the locals he will kill him? That's pretty st&$!d in any country - would land you in jail as a matter of fact in some. Further, to say that many Filipinos have this dream of humiliating any foreigner showing pretence is untrue & contradicts greatly the hospitality they are very known for. Filipinos even let foreigners showing pretence slide off easily most of the time. If anything, it is enough humiliation that they know the foreigner (or any person) is a wannabee or a make-believer. No disrespect intended.
Yes but I was referring to civilized countries exactly. Show me a culture where saying 'I will kill you' defuses a confrontation rather than escalating it.
The Gun Yeah, it's very true that the "I-will-kill-you-guy" deserved what he got. From the way he was described he's a 2nd degree jerk. But I cannot in all honesty, as a Filipino, condone the action of the cab-guy too. He's probably a 1st degree jerk. Like, who in his right mind, especially in a country with very strict gun laws, would pull a gun in public on a. . . well, a "tourist"? As for the Filipinos who have a secret fantasy of "humiliating" foreigners: I know them. I hear them talking of waiting for a foreigner to commit a blunder and, *poof* they'll humiliate the guy "with the best intentions". The ironic thing about it is that these are often the very same people who act oh so "polite" and "hospitable" when in the presence of a foreigner. Then they talk behind the foreigner's back when he or she is not around. Still, I was probably wrong in saying many Filipinos and should have said instead some Filipinos. It's just that most of the people I study with tend to project "anti-American" thoughts and feelings until the next foreigner comes around and they act like sycophants to the foreigner. But you're right, university and post-grad students do not represent the majority population. And neither do cab drivers who act like jerks in the presence of foreigners (and I'm not only referring to the gun-toting-cab-guy). P.S. to Ferdie I'm sorry, I did not mean to offend you: I was making a general observation. And I'm glad you pointed out an absurdity in my post (I should have said some, not many). I agree with you and Pat that the I-will-kill-you-guy deserved what he got to the full. It's just the only motivation I can see for the cabbie's antics was a desire to "humiliate" the foreign FMA-guy. He said he wanted to "play", a term which in Tondo and Quiapo means the guy wanted a fight, a real fight. "Laro tayo!" "Let's play!" in an FMA context is usually a serious challenge, definitely not hospitable (which is one of the reasons why I was told never to buy kamagong sticks in Quiapo). Usually, if one wanted to simply spar he would have said "Turuan mo nga ako!" "Please teach me some!" But then again, the arrogant foreigner was REALLY asking for it. I agree with Gryphon: I wanted the cabbie to have used a real stick and show the arrogant "I-will-kill-you-jerk" that his skills don't mean squat. I'm sorry, it's just that the mention of a "very large handgun" brought too many memories of Fernando Poe, Robin Padilla and Lito Lapid movies to mind. Especially Robin Padilla.
Estel, no need to apologize, man. It's a discussion & opinions should be aired. And you're right, there are some Filipinos who have that kind of attitude. Also, I guess passiveness sometimes transforms to talking behind someone when his/her back is turned. It becomes wrong the moment you cross that line. Note though: this is evident not only w/ Filipinos but w/ any other nationality or race. As for the cab driver, it was very wrong for him to do that. But for someone who's always on the street, I'd have to say the kid was lucky that was all he got. I know of a lot guys who'd beat the kid up upon hearing his words. Simply put, though wrongly it may sound, it was actually nice of him to just show him a piece & not actually do something. It's all good, Estel. No offense taken whatsoever. Medi, you used my words for Estel out of context. That wasn't for you. Then again, using your line of analogy, I did mention, "In a sense, yes they would". In other words, yes they are generally the same as in any of a lot of cultures. I did not disagree w/ your statement. But I also said that it is the intensity by w/c Filipinos take the offense where the big difference lies. To illustrate, trash talking in the US (sure, it's not civilized but it is the only western country I've lived in, so bear w/ me, sir) is normal. People get away w/ "You son of a!@#$" or "F@#4 you". In the Philippines, however, a curse to another is taken very seriously & usually ends up in a fight. Heck, shootings in the Philippines because of road rage is almost normal now! And yes, "I will kill you" does not defuse a confrontation in any culture. But the question is how much people of a certain culture push the confrontation into something more serious because of mere words. Again, we're not talking about the exceptions to the rule. We're talking about the people in general in any culture.
Although I love discussing food and anything relating to it, there’s really much more to Filipino culture than constant munching. Entire books can be written on Filipino culture and a thread like this will be quite interesting but will hardly scratch the surface of what it's like to come from and visit this somewhat strange land. As for the cultural nuances and how they relate to FMA, there are several but one must remember that not all Filipino cultural quirks are even translatable to English. A good example is the concept of pakisama. This word has no direct English translation. The concept actually involves combining 2 attributes: (a) Sense of belonging to a group (b) Caring for a family, community or group Coming to the Philippines and training here will require you to know this concept well. For example, if you’re asked to train a specific drill and you feel that it’s either too basic or too difficult for you, but everyone else is doing it, you are obliged to do the same. It may not make sense to you to do it, but to communicate to the group that you want to belong, you do as everyone does. It goes beyond the simple notion of “doing your share”. Doing your share or partaking in misery on the spirit of pakisama is not just about doing that is requested but rather doing what is expected. One of the worst things to be accused of is that “wala kang pakisama”, translated roughly as “you don’t have pakisama”. It declares that you are really not interested in becoming part of a group, and in the extended families and relationships common here, that’s a damning accusation. It will taint you as an outsider, and although you will not be physically harmed, you will feel “out of the loop”, which IMHO is much worse. Of course this concept can be extended to, shall we say..”after practice refreshments”. If everyone is going to the corner to have a few beers, you need to go with them and have a few as well. It’s easy to do if you’re up for it, but not after a week of constant inebriation. Also, the pakisama concept can be used for to coerce and force people into acts against their nature or even laws.
Having laws on the books and enforcing those laws are two very different things. If your reference meant the Philipines has very strict gun laws... I would beg to differ... not only are they widely available legally with the flimsiest of pretense's to private owners with no affiliation with law enforcement or military they are very easily had on the streets illegaly. I'd say the issue of owning a gun in PI is more down to the financial resources of the individual than anything having to do with what laws are on the books. The Philipines 'gun culture' is second only perhaps to the United States. The country which they base much of their gun ownership laws on. I really doubt the word 'very strict' can apply.
