Fantastic New Martial Art I JUST Made Up! ;)

Was reading through another thread just now, while also thinking about some techniques one of my Sensei has been working on, and have turned my thoughts into a brand new martial art :3

The Sensei in question was working on some techniques, mostly defenses, using his belt, various blocks, wrap arounds and then throws or locks etc.

I combined the ideas behind some of these techniques with two ways of solving everything:

1) Violence Solves Everything

2) Duct Tape Fixes Everything ("If you can't fix it with Duct Tape, you're not using enough Duct Tape!")​

So ladies and gentlemen I present you with the new fantastic:

DuctTape-Do!​

This brand new art revolves around solving all of your self defense needs with violence and duct tape! Clearly making it a flawless system!

​

for a simple joining fee of $9001 you too can learn to master this art with some great internet based training videos from non other than me, the first ever grandmaster soke 11th dan sensei of this art :3

for more information ring 0800-THISISNOTASCAM

 

I bought three rolls of duct tape. If I don't train, am I a loose cannon?!

 

YES!

If you don't train in ducttape-do and handle duct tape the chances of self injury can be terribly high!

 

So... how does ducttape-do deal with screws and nails?

 

HRP I ERM TRERPED IN BERR OF DERCT TERRPPEE

 

Pah...I train in Duct-tape JUTSU. Far more practical. DO is for wusses.

 

Traditional arts suck. I do MTA, mixed tape arts, a blend of all the tape styles and types of tape (duct, gaffer, parcel), using double sided sticky tape is illegal though. You win by knock out or taping your opponent to the floor or the sides of a tape cage.

 

In Duct-tape jutsu you first twist joints THEN you ductape them...

 

it would depend on how the screws and nails were being implimented in the attack.

one of the advanced techniques we use would have you disarm the attacker by using the sticky side of the tape (what we term the 'active side' ) to pull the screw/nail from the attackers grip, and then using the new added weight at the end of the tape you can turn the tape into a whip like weapon with pointy-ness at the end!

 

you were warned, now you'll know better for the future

 

I think you'll find the Jutsu is more of an art, lots of faffing around with tape based kata, in the Do we just concentrate on pressure tested techniques!

I have heard of the mixed tape arts, I did experiment with different types of tapes, however non can beat the strength and durability of the pure duct tape!

 

Does this martial art involve... trapping? Ehh?! EHH!?!?

 

while it might look similar to the trapping used in other arts, we use a slightly different form of 'trapping' called "taping"

 

Do you have poorly made videos we can watch...preferably on an even poorerly (eh?) made website?

 

I bet it involves sticky hands.

Personally I favour the art of Scotchtape-inobi. The art of the invisible tape. Far more subtle than rough old duct tape.
Of course you can only get the true Scotchtape-inobi if you train in Japan. Pro'lly.

 

I am in the process of making some videos using the camera on my old nokia I had 8 years ago.

We have a technique called stuck hands, which involves an intricate wrapping technique which effectively stops your opponent from using their hands...

I'm not familiar with Scotchtape-inobi, it must be pretty well hidden from site.

 

What do you do if one of your students come in and is like "Yo Sensei, forgot the duct tape, but I brought this clear packing tape and packing tape dispenser instead."

 

Followup: Do you have anti-packing-tape-dispenser techniques?

 

I train in the military version, Gorilla Tape Combatives (GBT) (TM).

 

Non of our techniques would really work with a packing tape dispenser, luckily I tend to have spare rolls of duct tape in my kit bag just in case these situations arise!

We have techniques to disarm most other forms of tape based attack