Tom, you can feel depressed without thoughts of self harming, but my advice is to talk to someone who can offer real help and advice based on knowledge and experience. As this year's MAP Meet is in aid of Home | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems I strongly urge you to give them a call. The only way out of a crappy cycle is to do something different. Hannibal's instructor says arrive before you leave, meaning get yourself into a good place mentally before you start your day. Step 1 therefore is to break a sweat as soon as you get up. You have enough knowledge on how to do this using bodyweight alone.