Writing help.

Discussion in 'Writers' Corner' started by Kframe, May 4, 2015.

  1. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    Yeah, I never liked it.

    But I do love Brad Dourif.
     
  2. philosoraptor

    philosoraptor carnivore in a top hat Supporter

    Brad Dourf is great, the problem is as soon as you cast him in a movie you know he'll go bonkers at some point, so it's kind of limiting. I think he's best in cheesy sci fi that plays up its tropes.

    I was more disappointed by the collaboration between Joss Whedon and Jean-Pierre Jeunet being so terrible. Hell, at least we got Firefly and Ron Perlman out of it.
     
  3. Unreal Combat

    Unreal Combat Valued Member

    I wrote a decent Gears of War fan fic once. Did Guild Wars too. Still got them too if anyone fancies reading them.
     
  4. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    Writing a novel.

    Just sayin. :D

    I'll let you know if I ever get an agent.
     
  5. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    Actually that is exactly how im going to do it, a dual view piece. Now i know i jumped right into the romance thing, however i should have been more clear. Im not rushing into a romance. In fact the romance if their is one will come to a head late in the story not at the beginning. They have to go through the whole spectrum first. From trust to like to friend ship to what ever.

    I guess i got hooked on the romance part because it was what i enjoyed most about the trilogy i just finished. However the other non romantic parts were as interesting as the smoochy bits. The marveling at human behavior, how things we find bad they enjoy. Such as her enjoying the smell of kyle after a brisk work out in the lab, but hated it when he took a shower and hated some of the flowery soaps he used.

    That kind of stuff. So my bad, i want to explore the whole emotional spectrum. Looking inward, the exploration of the romance question, is likely a direct reflection of my own inner questioning of the nature of love and what the real definition of a marriage/partnership with a S.O really is. Especially if it is between two people society says should not be in love with each other.

    Now i do have another character that im sketching out as a seperate idea but i cant get her right. She ends up looking like a Highly weapon-ized Novi from Avatar.
    So i cant get her features just right while being unique. Im trying to design her to be the anti-xenomorph.
     
  6. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    Spent all weekend writing, only to throw it out and start over over and over and over again. I did manage to get a start on the beginning. I decided after numerous attempts to not start in medias res.

    Also as my main character develops I have come to realize that he only acts manly and alpha as a cover for his pain.
     
  7. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    Hey guys, could use some help. I introduced a female character and im trying to describe her. I have a good pretty good description I think but im trying to also convey the fact that she was also very attractive. Not sure how to do that and not come off as sexist. For she would be considered attractive by both sexes I think. Here is what I have so far. I left her name off.

    "A young woman in her mid twenties. She was 5'6" feet tall with long red wavy hair and lean muscular physique. Small freckles occasionally dotted her fair skin. She had shapely curves but owning to her lean frame, they were not exaggerated or out of proportion to the rest of her. "

    I modeled her frame after what would be a more muscular version of a female I know in real life.

    Is there a better way I can describe her, that includes a tasteful mention of her beauty? Edit to change again, Think Gina Carano but with Bright red wavy hair and freckles. Thanks guys. Also not sure how to write out her height.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2015
  8. Simon

    Simon Moved on. Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    I'd leave out the "she was" before the 5`6", as it's past tense.

    5`6", with long, wavy red hair is good enough.

    Why not elude to her beauty, but leave the reader to make a picture?

    "with small freckles dotting her pale, muscular physique and with fiery red hair, she had a confidence that turned heads, both male and female".
     
  9. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    Could I be to descriptive? You seamed to do in one sentence what I took a paragraph to do.. I may just lift your sentence lol. Edit to add. Na I cant lift your sentence. However it does give me a better idea of how to describe people. Im going to have to make sure I don't try to get so detailed on descriptions. Paint a picture not a college thesis.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2015
  10. Simon

    Simon Moved on. Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    You could of course go the other way and complete the description yourself.

    "She had a narrow face with angular cheekbones. Her eyebrows were plucked and sat above cat like eyes, with a clouded hazel hue.
    Her skin was place and dotted with freckles, her hair a natural fiery red.
    It was clear from her chisled face that she had a strong muscular frame and it all combined to give her an air of confidence that turned heads..."

    You can add a lot more detail if her character deserves it.
     
  11. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    How do I know when to give a detailed description for a character and when to give a more subtle less focused description? I guess ill have to decide what I want to do with her..
     
  12. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    So far I changed her description to the following. I liked the way you described her, but I didn't want to steal your sentence, I tried to give it my own spin.

    "Catherine a young woman in her mid twenties. 5'6" with long red wavy hair. Small freckles occasionally dotted her fair, powerful physique, and with her fiery red hair she exuded a air confidence that was noticeable to everyone around her."


    I still don't know if im going to make her a fixture later on or not. When I wrote her I was trying to set the atmosphere and let the reader know just the type of people around him at this place were.
     
  13. Simon

    Simon Moved on. Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    You can be descriptive in very few words.

    "He had brown eyes, black hair, a thick chest and was wearing a dark suit" is a rather boring description.

    "He stood out among the crowd. His sharp suit, 6" frame and piercing gaze suggested someone you'd want on your side" is far more descriptive, yet makes the reader form a picture of the man.
     
  14. Simon

    Simon Moved on. Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    You've mentioned her hair twice in the same sentence.

    You could change it to "Catherine was a young woman in her mid twenties. Small freckles occasionally dotted her fair, powerful physique, and with her fiery red hair she exuded an air confidence that was noticeable to everyone around her."
     
  15. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    I didn't notice that thanks for pointing that out. How do I fit in her height though? Or I that a detail that can be left to the imagination of the reader?

    Here is my latest attempt to adjust my description of her based on your recommendations. " Catherine a young woman in her mid twenties. Standing at 5'6" small freckles occasionally dotted her fair, powerful physique, and with her fiery red hair she exuded a air confidence that was noticeable to everyone around her."

    I don't like this one though as it sounds awkward. Ill keep trying, ill eventually find a good way to insert her height.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2015
  16. Simon

    Simon Moved on. Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    I'd only add it if it's important to the story. Otherwise leave that information out.
     
  17. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    How about this. " Catherine a young woman in her mid Twenties. Small freckles occasionally dotted her fair, powerful physique, and with her fiery red hair she exuded a air of confidence that was noticeable to everyone around her. Standing at 5'6 she was a impressive sight to behold."
     
  18. Kframe

    Kframe Valued Member

    Thanks for help. I guess I should probably consider what im doing with her. I had not originally intended to write much about her. I do have ideas on how I would include her, but it would massively alter what I had envisioned for the story.
     
  19. Simon

    Simon Moved on. Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    It doesn't work.

    I think you can be an impressive sight without being 5`6" tall.

    Ronda Rousey is 5`6, but she isn't an impressive sight for that reason.

    You have eluded to the fact she is a fiery, muscular redhead, so the last sentence just repeats that statement.
     
  20. philosoraptor

    philosoraptor carnivore in a top hat Supporter

    In writing showing always works better than telling. So you can tell us that she is beautiful, or you can show it through her interactions with other people. This is not the time for editing, you can do that later. Vomit as many words onto the page as possible. Maybe get drunk if you have to.
     

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