Why marriage?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Kwajman, Jul 21, 2011.

  1. Kwajman

    Kwajman Penguin in paradise....

    I currently have 47 employees almost all who are married. 3 of them recently came to me to put in paperwork to have their names changed due to divorce. What surprised me is that all 3 have been married over 25 years, one was married for 37 years.

    I did a (very) unscientific poll and our of the 40 employees who are married, 36 of them said if they could make their marriage 'disappear', end with no consequences and all the fallout from divorce, they'd do it or would have not gotten married in the first place. I felt that a solid 90% who thought they marriage was worth ending or never should have happened was pretty shocking.

    Now those of you who have followed me know i'm pretty much against marriage, I've told my 3 sons never to get married. I was married twice, the first ended with the death of my wife and oldest son, my second ended with me getting totally reamed by my ex and her lawyer.

    I'm not against relationships, just marriage, I don't think the human is created for lifetime monogamy and looking at the news and the state of the family today I think I'm mostly correct. My oldest son has ended his engagement and is going back overseas to work with me for the department of energy (we leave in a few months) and my second son plans the same when he graduates with his nuclear engineering degree.

    Now before someone screams BUT MY GRANDPARENTS WERE MARRIED FOR 60 YEARS, were they happy? I'm not looking for an either or answer, just your thoughts. I see lots of people married for decades but don't even talk anymore. Why put up the charade of staying married just for the sake of saying divorce shouldn't happen, so should you just stay miserable or is it better to end it and move on?
     
  2. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    I've always thought it odd that people would tie themselves together in such a way. If you want to mix your finances, do it formally, with a contract specifying how the assets are to be divided in the event of a split. If you want to show your commitment, buy a house together, or have children together, or get a pet together.

    Marriage exists for one reason - to keep divorce lawyers in fast cars and expensive clothes.
     
  3. Fish Of Doom

    Fish Of Doom Will : Mind : Motion Supporter

    why is there marriage now? because there was marriage before and people are uncritical and loathe to change tradition. while i am not opposed to marriage, i do believe that it would be best if the concept was massively restructured and condensed into a single type of legal binding independent of relationships (i jokingly refer to this as "roommate+"), then just let those who would wish to share mutual legal bondage with their partners use this method. one thing i always found funny about this sort of thing is that apparently some people seem expect something to magically change once they're married. they're the same person, their partner is the same person, nothing changes except legal status and its accompanying effects.

    also humans + relationships = general stupidity.
     
  4. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    I think people get married and feel that they've 'completed' their relationship. People stop trying and over time that complacency turns into resentment.
     
  5. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    OK...I'm pro marriage (by and large).
    Getting married for me was pretty profound.
    I felt more connected to the rest of humanity. I felt more connected to my parents. I felt like I had more of an insight into what other people had been through. And obviously I felt more connected to my girlfriend/wife.
    It is (or can be) a transformative process.
    I think if you approach it in the right way, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and marry the right person it can be very rewarding.

    I'd never advise anyone to do it though. It's a personal thing.
     
  6. SpikeD

    SpikeD At the Frankenstein Place

    You guys do know that i'm getting married in a couple of weeks don't you? This does not help. :rolleyes: :)
     
  7. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    What he said.

    Though I married my wife, not his.

    Hey, we have checked they're not the same person haven't we? Pretty? Lumpy jumper?

    Mitch
     
  8. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    It's called an intervention.
     
  9. Southpaw535

    Southpaw535 Well-Known Member Moderator Supporter

    I look at marriage simply as a legal contract to allow tax breaks, inheritance rights etc which I think might be the same as Fish's "roommate +1" thing. Religious marriage I understand as an important part of a relationship if both people follow it but other than that its just a relic of very old times. Its still a nice thing to go and watch and I won't knock anyone for doing it to show commintment or whatever but I don't think its really a ceremony of extreme importance to younger generations anymore presumably because religion is taking more of a back seat these days. Unless yo don't believe in divorce I can't see anyone getting married before at least their 30s being happy for the rest of their life anyway.
     
  10. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    VERY lumpy jumper. :)
     
  11. CosmicFish

    CosmicFish Aleprechaunist

    I'm not really a big fan of marriage personally. At a pretty young age I came to the conclusion it was one of these silly things adults said you had to do but couldn't give a good explanation as to why.

    The current situation seems about right to me. Marriage is still taken seriously enough by many that for those who want it, it can still be a profound thing. And for those of us who don't want it, there's no stigma attached to not marrying.
     
  12. Van Zandt

    Van Zandt Mr. High Kick

    I've been married for 5 years (anniversary is next Thursday) and I wouldn't change a thing. Do we argue? Sure, sometimes. But then most people do, from acquaintances and work colleagues to best friends and family members. A relationship, married or otherwise, is like a plant: you gotta work at it to keep it alive. Leave it and it'll just wither away and die. I won't deny being married is hard, hard work. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done (this coming from an ex soldier with a hip replacement). But I'd be an empty vessel if I didn't have my wife in my life. That bond will only grow stronger as we grow old together.
     
  13. Blade96

    Blade96 shotokan karateka

    my mom married a control freak. I've never really had a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months. I broke up with my control freak last year. My bro is living with a control bitch. I think that marriage and babies just ties u down and makes it harder to get out of a situation. I don't believe in marriage now. and i don't like babies. I'm gonna be 33 in a few weeks and have never really experienced relationships, nor do i know what love is. Nor do I like sex and in that i am more asexual than anything. I'm not likely to ever get married.
     
  14. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    God bless those lumpy jumpers :D

    Mitch
     
  15. Johnno

    Johnno Valued Member

    Is 'lumpy jumper' a euphemism? :confused:
     
  16. Fu_Bag

    Fu_Bag Valued Member

    I'd have to say there are pro's and con's. Sorry for your loss Kwajman. I knew you'd had a bad run but I didn't know it was that bad. All the best to you, man. I agree with the "It's a personal decision" mindset as that's the best way I can think to describe it.

    It's also about whether or not you want to have kids. If you don't want to have kids, then maybe marriage is not so bad of an option. If it ends, provided you end it when you should and not drag things out to "War of the Roses" levels, maybe there'd only be financial things do deal with.

    Of course, if you want to have kids and know no one will ever try to take them from you and ransom them for money in a divorce situation, stay single and adopt. Maybe find a girlfriend. And, if and when that happens, sign a prenupt that protects you and the kids.

    But for balance's sake, I suppose I'll put it out there that marriage can be a great walk that can help make boys into men. A "lumpy jumper" (lol) can certainly help with that. :whistle:

    Of course, it can also try to turn boys into men into women. And women into men... And...well...get married and you'll figure it out, lol.

    Oh well, I'm off to think of happier things like trampolines and lumpy jumpers...

    :Angel:
     
  17. Kuma

    Kuma Lurking about

    My wife and I have been together for a number of years now, and honestly looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Some days we will argue like cats and dogs, but for the most part we are very like minded, get along well, and even have a lot of fun. She was and still is my best friend to this very day. It is definitely a huge commitment and responsibility, as you realize now all your decisions and actions aren't based on you alone anymore, but now you and your spouse. Add in kids to that mix (two boys) and life definitely gets interesting.

    Do I miss the single life? There is definitely a lot less time for the life I used to live, what with going to the gym and/or training in martial arts almost every single day of the week and being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. However, the pros of my life now significantly outweigh the cons. Perhaps I'm a bit old fashioned and conservative, but I definitely think marriage is a great idea if it's with not only someone you think looks good naked but also someone you can have fun with.
     
  18. robertmap

    robertmap Valued Member

    Coming up on our 30th anniversary soon (it's either next month or the one after...)

    Are there times that are not great... sure.

    Are there times that are extraordinary... sure.

    Relationships - any relationship is hard work, people are individuals and have individual wants and needs - marriage (or any other long-term relationship) is about finding ways that two different people with different wants and needs can find enough things to do together so that it is worth being together...

    Is it for everyone, no of course not but for many people it is a simple and straightforward way to manage the whole sex / family / love / support / comfort / enjoyment / etc stuff of life...
     
  19. nasigoreng

    nasigoreng Valued Member

    i am 35 and unmarried. So, i am in the demographic that really feels the singles-blues; most of my friends are married so I feel increasing loneliness with more and more difficulty meeting eligible women.

    I recently read David Brooks "the social animal" which gave some interesting statistics about marriage: the bonding and trust developed in a marriage really pays out in terms of decreasing anxiety and stress. Married people report significantly higher levels of happiness than unmarried and married men also tend to live about 10 years longer than unmarried men (probably related to reduced stress).

    I think in Western society we are told that "love is all you need," and in the case of marriage, that is not the case at all. I've been single for so long now, I'm terrified of marriage. But at the same time, I'm terrified of being alone. I'm also terrified of drug-resistant strains of gonorrhea, so maybe I'll give marriage a try.
     
  20. Microlamia

    Microlamia Banned Banned

    I think staying with one person for life is an ideal that really does suit some people but is for the most part very unnatural for people...
     

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