Scared of Fighting yet love martial arts!

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Discussion' started by Upgraded, Jul 4, 2006.

  1. Upgraded

    Upgraded Valued Member

    Is anyone else scared of fighting?

    The reason I ask is well because, although I love martial arts and am confident in my strengths I am scared to the point where I feel sick If I ever have to use it.
    I've always been overwieght, and in school I got the crap kicked out of me all the time, the one time I threw a punch back at someone I ended up in hospital with a fractured skull.. Hence why I have been training ever since, yet I still have a horrible fear of fighting, I think mabye it's because anything could happen in a fight.. Any advice?
     
  2. MadMonk108

    MadMonk108 JKD/Kali Instructor

    The best thing you can do is learn to spar. Take some time, ease yourself into it, but if you face your fear you will overcome it.
     
  3. Cuchulain4

    Cuchulain4 Valued Member

    Being scared of fighting is completely natural, its how you deal with that fear that matters.
     
  4. inthespirit

    inthespirit ignant

    Its your mind is it not? It is you who decided that your scared of fighting, why don’t you just decide that your not scared of fighting. Yeah, I know easier said than done.

    If your always gonna be fearful in a potential fight, your probably gonna loose, your mind and body will likely freeze and you’ll probably get beats.

    You should either learn to channel that fear in to aggression, or let go of all your fears.

    We’re all gonna be dead one day, that’s for sure. Some of us will die slow and painful deaths, some will die quickly. But look at the bright side, at least you wont have to go to work anymore… I hope.. :D

    If the worst thing that can happen to you is death, and you accept that death is a reality and a possibility at any point in time.. like right now… maybe you have a genetic illness and your heart or whatever will just stop beating.. and you’ll drop dead.. or maybe your PC will blow up in your face … so if you can let go of your fear of death, you can also let go of your fear of just about anything, including pain, fighting and so forth..

    At the end of the day what is the point of your existence?

    Anyway maybe this will cheer you up.. Monty Pythons Galaxy song..

    Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown,
    And things seem hard or tough,
    And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,
    And you feel that you've had quite eno-o-o-o-o-ough...

    Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
    And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
    That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
    A sun that is the source of all our power.
    The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
    Are moving at a million miles a day
    In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
    Of the galaxy we call the "Milky Way".

    Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
    It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
    It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
    But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
    We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
    We go 'round every two hundred million years,
    And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
    In this amazing and expanding universe.

    The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
    In all of the directions it can whizz
    As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
    Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
    So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
    How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
    And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
    'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
     
  5. MartialJac

    MartialJac Banned Banned

    You just get used to taking smacks, most of the time you don't feel them, the fear of being hit is worse normally and unless your going to be fighting full contact in your first few weeks (which you won't be) by the time you come to test yourself you will not be as bothered.
     
  6. Gajah Silat

    Gajah Silat Ayo berantam!

    Sounds like your schooldays seriously affected your self confidence!

    It seems to me that although your belief in your actual physical ability is realistic, but you have been 'programmed' to think in a certain way about the potential outcome of a real fight.

    But hey, you've taken the biggest step. MA will build self confidence but may take longer with you as you seemed to have had it literaly knocked out of you.

    Also, being a big bloke means most will think twice about starting a fight with you by the time you're in your 20's. :)

    Remember, you are not at school anymore. You will no doubt bump into some of those bullies in a year or two and see how pathetic they actualy are.

    If its any consolation, my mate 'Fat Barry' is a 'proper fat bloke' but he's also a very accomplished MAist at black belt level. MA totally transformed him from the nervous fat kid he once was.

    I started a thread a while ago 'fat martial artists' as I'm a bit of a porker myself :D :D

    Seriously though, I think some kind of assertiveness training may help and the rest will follow.
     
  7. Gray

    Gray New Member

    I have a fear of fighting, definitely. I don't mind hitting or being hit in a sparring situation, and I can handle myself so to speak, but an actual fight entails some pretty negative thoughts. Luckily I can always talk my way out of a situation if it arises. I can honestly say that I've never been in a real fight, and I'd like to keep it that way.

    As for your situation though, I couldn't really give you any advice as I don't really think that's my place.
     
  8. Davey Bones

    Davey Bones New Member

    Are you talking about a "real" fight in the street, for example, or are you talking about sparring at your school?

    If you're talking about sparring, you should speak with your instructor; anyone who is any good at instructing will be able to help you spar.

    If you're talking about being afraid of being jumped while walking down the street, well, not much to do there. You gots to work on your self-confidence, and that's all there is to it. It's certainly reasonable to be afraid of being jumped; only fools walk around waiting the opportunity to pummel someone into the dirt for no reason. It's more a matter of believing you aren't going to be a victim because of all the training you've had. See the diff?
     
  9. firecoins

    firecoins Armchair General

    choose a martial art where you don't necessarily "fight" Aikido is good.
     
  10. mai tai

    mai tai Valued Member

    alot of non sport martial arts dont requiere sparring.....

    not for me though i love to fight....love to street fight..although age, law and responsibilty have dimmed that love.

    i like my martial arts to be ....more martial ...less art
     
  11. xxblackkatxx

    xxblackkatxx The Gimpy Taekwon Monkey!

    exactly what inthespirit said...


    I've never had a severe problem with the thought of a fight or getting into them or dealing with them, really. I'm not entirely sure why that is... I mean I've been in a few memorable ones that scared the hell out of me while they were happening, just because there's SO much going on and you can't keep track of it all and your mind's four steps ahead of your body in what to do. I think that's part of it.

    I'm not afraid of them to the point of not even wanting to get into one (ie if i needed to fight for my family/friends, I could go in fists blazing instead of just complying. That's the Irish in me, I guess :rolleyes: ), it's just as they're happening there's so much adrenaline that I get shaky and can't guage my power like I would in sparring in class. I guess that's what freaks me out: knowing that I can't really control my strength and can, will and have severely hurt people.
    Freaky stuff, man.

    -Kat
     
  12. M Lambert

    M Lambert Fitness Consultant

    I was overweight at school and got bullied. took punches etc.

    Gave them back one day and it involved breaking a toilet cubicle door.... but it really boosted my confidence to see that bully sitting on the toilet afterwards :)


    Anyway that doesnt help... this might:

    guy in my club - HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOJ! As in big! Hits hard, hits fast, many people simply refuse to spar him.

    I purposely fight him atleast once a night... I know it'll probably hurt, but hey, it hurts less every time, and I fight back more every time. Its training myself.... maybe you could try that?
     
  13. TheDarkJester

    TheDarkJester 90% Sarcasm, 10% Mostly Good Advice.

    Personally I have the same problem.. If the fight is on my terms then its alright, if it comes out of nowhere thats when I get that bad adrenaline surge and the reaction is to flight more than fight. But that all goes out the window once a swing is thrown at me. Then its just get in, do the damn thing quick and dirty, and get the hell out before it can escalate further. In fact my fighting methodology sounds alot like my love life ;) :p
     
  14. Upgraded

    Upgraded Valued Member

    Thankyou for the responses people!!
    I actually got offered the other day to come down and spar with some locals at the Gym ( Boxers )
    I'm going to use this as a challenge and go down and spar them once a week, even though I'm scared as hell :p
     
  15. mai tai

    mai tai Valued Member

    find the best guy....they ussally are more controled and less intent on showing you how "great they are".

    tell him your just starting , and dont be afraid to tell him to lighted up or slow it down.....being overwelmed with barages of shots does not improve you....

    though it is good to experence every now and then so you see how far ya got to go
     
  16. dbmasters

    dbmasters Valued Member

    You gotta spar a little, get used to taking some shots and learn that it won't kill you, the fear will subside...if you are scared (which is natural) when a fight actually happens your MA will be worthless cuz you'll likely freeze up.
     
  17. Captain Karate

    Captain Karate New Member

    When sparring in the dojo I never felt scared since no one was out to kill me. On the street I would probably just flip out anyway.
     
  18. KaratekaAndy

    KaratekaAndy Male (95% of the time)

    I have a friend who was overweight.

    He conquered his fear of fighting by facing it directly - he joined a boxing club :)

    As he lost weight, his confidence increased
     
  19. axelb

    axelb Master of Office Chair Fu

    i used to hate sparring, did the eyes closed thing alot and running away.
    Lots of time and effort ;)

    real fights are different: if you don't feel scared/nervous on the battlefield/in a fight it's most likely because you are dead.
     
  20. Visage

    Visage Banned Banned

    All the time :) I'm always 'scared' to fight, because as others have said, fighting is a completely unpredictable event. And, as others have also said, its how you deal with that fear that counts. The suggestions here are all very good. Sparring (if approached in the correct way) will help you gain confidence. You'd need to practice quite "loose" sparring. IE, very few rules. THe set I go by when training is,
    no groin shots
    no attacks to the eyes
    no attacks to the throat
    Either party can call a timeout if needed
    keep it friendly

    What always bothered me (and still does sometimes) is getting in close to an opponent. So, what I tend to do it tie a rope between myself and my partner, and that way we can only go a certain distance from each other, and it gets you used to seeing hits coming at you continually.

    Remember to start off light at first. Don't run before you can walk.

    Good luck

    James
     

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