I'm wondering how quite possibly the nicest guy in all of MMA became the example of an aggresive male rapist...............
If assuming every black person is a carjacker until proven otherwise is discrimination (and it is)...what is assuming that every straight man is a rapist until proven otherwise? Microlamia, you mentioned Asperger's. My son is high-functioning autistic so I have some experience here. I think it's tying in, but not in the way you describe. I think that the anxiety and fixation aspects are firmly in play here. Choosing to completely isolate yourself from other people in any context because of a fear that someone might be a rapist is the same sort of anxiety and fixation that makes my son unwilling to go potty in a bathroom if the light in his bedroom, which is down the hall from the bathroom, is off (he's been fixated on fear of the dark recently). Nobody here is faulting you for skipping the bar scene. It's not very fun and it's honestly not a good way to meet people. But looking at the world as a choice between (a) complete isolation from other people or (b) being raped in a back alley is neither healthy nor accurate. Go to live music shows at coffeeshops. Take ballroom dance classes (or hip-hop, or swing, or whatever). Take a foreign language class at a local community center. Get a dog, take it to dog parks, and don't be afraid of talking with other dog owners there while you all play catch with your dogs. All of these are public, extremely-low-risk activities, so you don't need to bring a knife and you don't need to be afraid of interacting with other people there (including the straight guys). The level of fear you have about this issue, and the degree to which you've let it affect the rest of your life, is not proportional to the likelihood of it occurring...particularly when we're talking about these kinds of activities and not the bar scene. As for the "professional help" comment--maybe it didn't come across right, but I do think you're displaying classic autism spectrum behaviors, and I do think that working with someone on how to better manage, control, and understand the anxiety and fixations that come along with ASD would be worth looking into. I'm not saying "you're a psycho." For criminy sakes, if that was the case, I'd be calling my own kid a psycho (which I am NOT doing).. Some people need to see physical therapists for bad knees. I needed to see a speech therapist for a speech impediment. My son has benefited greatly from working with various specialists about his ASD. I think you could benefit from seeing a specialist who could help you better understand and cope with ASD and your interactions with others.
He was wrestling coach for a coworker of mine at Oregon State University before he got into the whole UFC thing. Yeah, he's a totally awesome guy.
A large guy I know--very muscular and intimidating, but very nice and couldn't hurt a fly--was once walking home on a cold evening after his car broke down. A young woman happened to be walking about ten feet ahead of him. Purely by coincidence, they took the same turns three times in a row. They happened to be going the same direction. As he rounded the third corner, she wheeled and pepper-sprayed him in the face, leaving him writhing on the ground, then took off running. He's lucky it was pepper spray and not a knife or a gun. Weapons in the hands of people who may have some paranoia issues can be dangerous, dangerous things.
A scenario just like this one came up in discussion on a local messageboard and my friend (who is quite a big tall guy but also completely harmless) said he would have to cross the road or take a longer route because of the perception that beyond a certain time at night walking closeby did not look good and the other person is going to get nervous, anything might happen. That said I was walking home from a party late 3-4am down a long road which would normally be busy in the day but only gets occasional taxis otherwise nearly deserted and get approached by guy walking in the same direction who wasn't far behind me trying to make conversation. Guess he didn't know about this 'rule' my friend does because he's an idiot or drunk or a thread but I didn't take any notice of him bar polite but dismissive acknowledgement and nothing happened. I'd usually have been on my bicycle but followed friends from the pub, unplanned not even wearing sensible shoes, fast walking but no running.
If I find myself walking behind another person on a lonesome road, I will usually cross over to prevent any misunderstandings. I walk pretty fast and I dont want to scare anyone, and its no skin off my nose to just cross the road
This. It's pretty stupid to closely follow anyone in the dark at night, especially a lone woman, especially if you're a large male. Some people are oblivious to these social considerations though.
As he tells it (and I believe him), he was so preoccupied with his broken-down car and troubles at work and the freezing night he didn't even realize until after he'd been pepper sprayed that he had been "following" her.
Just goes to show how awareness and being switched on can save you from all sorts of self defence problems. It is an awkward situation. Many times I've wanted to say "I'm not going to attack you...I just happen to be going the same direction". But that makes you seem even worse than just staying quiet and walking on.
Who knows, given that neither of us were there, but I find that people without training often break these "safety conscious" considerations. Especially the good-natured, passive people who just don't think of the world in terms of danger innately. I sometimes accidentally stand in people's blind spot and make them nervous. I suspect I do this unconsciously, because I've conditioned myself to approach someone's blind spot from behind when ambushing them. I still feel bad when I realize I've done it though, and I usually offer an "I'm sorry" gesture of some sort. (It can also be a fun, passive-aggressive way to deal with rude people sharing a line with you though.)
Mitlov, I do appreciate you showing understanding rather than jumping on me and demanding that I get help for how paranoid I am, so thank you for that. I would just like to point out a few things though... I would like to, but going out to things costs money, and I only have so much with which to save up for my next module. I've already pointed out that going out to things costs large lumps of money because of needing a taxi. Good advice, I would dearly love an Alsatian puppy of my own, but that will have to wait until I have my own place because my brother is violently allergic. I do dog training for others though. I'm helping out a friend of my mom's by teaching her dog to respond to some basic commands. That will have to do for the moment... Ok, I got ya. Thank you for the advice. Yep. I'm a flyweight female and I do that.
I'd also just like to point out that I didn't become so vigilant in a social vacuum for no reason. I *used* to walk around pretty much fearlessly listening to Zyklon at about 120 decibels. It's not safe to do that any more. I learned that increment by increment when local morality levels hit the U-bend.
Regarding what can somene do to limit risk to themself. I think there is a lot to be said for a combination of not mixing unsafe activities with unsafe locations -- mindfulness if you like. eg ... If I person really wants to drink till they are blotto then maybe they could choose to do it in a safe environment - eg at home with trusted friends. If a person wants to go hang out with a bunch of strangers in a club / party environment then they could keep their wits about them by laying off the alcohol. This will help them process potential threat situations and reduce the likelihood of making foolish decisions. However this doesn't help any with the vulnerable personality types that have been mentioned here. To do anything about that a person has to grab their own personality and shake it round into a more assertive personality - easier said than done.
