Discussion in 'Health and Fitness' started by kaisersosay, Apr 22, 2013.

  1. kaisersosay

    kaisersosay New Member

    I haven't studied any martial arts but i have tried to improve my form, balance and reaction speed by exercising on and off for years. I feel capable of dealing with most situations in which i am forced to act but i am missing something vital. I cannot be offensive only defensive. I will give a prime example. A few weeks ago my wifes ex hit her as i walked into the hall way. She is pregnant which he was fully aware of but he is very unbalanced. Witnessing this i immediately jumped between them with my back facing him. He was swaring and swinging for her over me like an animal. The kids were screaming and he was completely out of control, frothing at the mouth even. Any way when he didn't stop i shuffled backwards to make a gap at which point he put his arms around my throat and tried choking me. When this didn't work he pulled me out of the house and threw me in the garden. Thought i would mention he's a foot bigger than me and i can only guess at how much heavier but i am very dense. Still as i said he had thrown me on the floor. He ran over to me and climbed on top of me. He then started bashing my head into the ground and punching me in the face which i dodged nearly all of. Getting up to set on my wife again i jumped up and ran between them to again make a barrier. He was tring to choke me again and screaming nasty stuff in my face not a foot from the kids. I was telling him that he wasn't achieving anything and to leave but he was frothing at the mouth still where he had lost it completely. I managed to break free and ushered the wife and kids into the house. I followed and we shut the door at which point he screamed through the door a bit then left. We called the police and he was arrested. He is awaiting sentencing.
    Not once did i aggress him. I was completely calm through out the whole assault which lasted a couple of minutes and my wife was very proud. She said she didn't know any man who would have done the same. I didn't lay one finger on him apart from to deflect his punches aimed at my face. I did take a few hits and suffered a few scratches and bumps but nothing serious. My problem is that i put my family at risk by not aggressing. I did not want the kids to see me hit their dad but it's not an isolated case. I could have stopped him very easily i am sure if i hadn't refused to fight back but something stops me every time. I have a mental block which doesn't allow me to use what i have taught myself and i am worried that if a situation ever arose where i had to act that i might not be able to. What can i do? How can i gain the ability to fight back as i am sick of being abused by those who take advantage of my walk away nature. Can someone shed some light on my problem, please?
  2. Grass hopper

    Grass hopper Valued Member

    First off, I want to say that you did a great thing, and I wish more people where like you.

    But about the lack of aggression thing, that's actually very common. I find that people tend to have issue either hitting or getting hit naturally. I myself before I started training had trouble hitting. I can't think of a remedy other than martial arts training that includes sparring. But don't beat yourself up, your "problem" would be considered a virtue by many.
  3. kaisersosay

    kaisersosay New Member

    Thanks bud. I appreciate your response. Its not the aggression as much as the fact there may one day be a need to strike in defence. I have always sparred with my kids and nephews and it takes great skill to practice with them as they do attack me properly and as i cannot hit them i practice unbalancing them and kaying them on the floor with twists and such. I am always very gentle with them but against an adult who is properly attacking i dont think that would work. Its not fear of hitting but the consequences.
  4. Ero-Sennin

    Ero-Sennin Highly Skilled Peeper Supporter

    Do you do striking or grappling based martial arts? If your focus is on striking, how do you think you would feel subduing somebody through grappling or throwing them onto the ground (obviously without the intent of trying to crack their skull on the pavement) versus punching or kicking them? I ask that because my willingness to use my strength/power in grappling was hardly ever repressed like it is now in a striking art (boxing). It might do you some good to shift over to something that can stop somebody without having to hit them?

    Other then that, it helps to hit other people if you're a very bitter person that hates people :p
  5. matveimediaarts

    matveimediaarts Underappreciated genius

    for the OP-Try finding a partner who is willing to train you in such a scenario-that is, your partner will play the relentless aggressor as realistically as possible. Come up with several solutions to the problem. Joint locks and sweeps are ideal if you don't like hitting/getting confrontational. Also practice on a proper surface so you and your partner don't get hurt. Hope this helps! :)
  6. righty

    righty Valued Member

    Go and take some martial arts classes. I mean, it's pretty obvious right there.

    You can practice getting aggressive with a heavy bag.

    But also, move. Your wife's ex is aggressive to her and she (and yourself) are living in the same house as him? What the hell? Even if he was just visiting, he still go into the house.
  7. kaisersosay

    kaisersosay New Member

    to all my new gurus

    I believe i may have incorrectly phrased earlier. I did not mean aggressive. I meant like in american football where they have two teams. One for offence and one for defense. I meant to aggress as in to be pre emptive if you like. Not to hurt but to stop a situation without being a punch bag for my opponent. In response to the question about striking and grappling. I practice both with my children. I pull my punchs at the last second as to touch them not hit them and grapples to lay them down on the floor so they are not hurt. Also sweeps and holds. The last touch of all my attacks reduce in felocity and power from 100% down to say 5% when sparring with them.ultiple attackers who dont hold back :) Lastly my wifes ex was dropping off the two elder children and kicked off because we were ten minutes late home. Walked in my house without permission and refused to leave when my wife asked. Thank you all again. Study is obviously the key but i have very limited finances and no one i know is as interested in martial arts as i.
  8. Kave

    Kave Lunatic

    If your finance are limited, your cheapest options are probably boxing and judo. Both of these arts are generally cheap but also highly useful. It sounds like you have a higher than average chance of being assaulted, and boxing is one of the arts that will prepare you very quickly to be able to deal with physical attacks.
  9. AndrewTheAndroid

    AndrewTheAndroid A hero for fun.

    Go learn some Mauy Thai and/or BJJ. I think you also need to see a shrink about why you are afraid to fight back. I find it a little concerning that this guy was trying to assault your pregnant wife and you didn't go planet of the ape-dung on him.
  10. kaisersosay

    kaisersosay New Member

    i agree

    You validated my point. I have been to councilling about my issue and apparantly its because of my natural will to avoid confrontation. I make excuses for everyones actions and give them a buy ball while feeling that i dont warrant the same. If a man hits me then i will tell myself, maybe he's had a really hard day or something and walk away but my reluctance to inflict upon others is the exact opposite. I tell myself what gives me the right to hurt someone else. Believe me i didn't for one second think he was allowed to hit her but my anger naturally suppresses itself. Both a gift and a curse i think. I feel like that side of my mind is held by an invisible rope which just holds me in place. I did everything i could to stop him without hitting him but what happens when that isn't enough i wonder.
  11. Dan Bian

    Dan Bian Neither Dan, nor Brian

    In a 'civilised' society, we spend the majority of our upbringing being told that 'fighting is bad', 'hitting people is bad', 'you'll get into trouble if you do this..' and so on.

    No wonder that, when it comes to it, you find it harder to overcome this programming.

    The only way to burst through this programming is to... Hit people! You'll gradually learn that 'sometimes, it's necessary to fight, or hit people' - but also, your natural tendency towards placidity will stand you in good stead, regarding 'reasonable force' - IE, you may have better control over when 'enough is enough'.

    As has been mentioned, Boxing, Judo, Muay Thai, Brazilian JuiJitsu - these arts will get you used to dealing with physical conflict from day one, pretty much. Of course, there are other arts out there that will do the same, but sadly it seems that just these 4 have a the best probability of achieving this - many others are hit-and-miss.

    Where abouts are you located? Someone here may be able to suggest a local, cheap and decent class for you to look into.

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