Moday until today... Nothing special, really. I still think it's interesting, how much more attention children pay to a technique or whatever you show the, when you allow them later to do it on you. Worked twice so far incredibly well! They work together to get the thing right and *all* of them suddenly want to show the technique as well, when they can make me fly. I think I will try and use that in the future even more; depending on what they are supposed to show of course - I won't make a seven year old throw me with an O-Goshi or something We grown-ups did some knife defense stuff afterwards; as usual the teacher made sure to point out, to just do as an attacker says, and not try something for being cool - I heard it so often now, but I still think it's good to mention it anyway. Funny enough I was allowed to try a technique on him (see above with the kids) and had more fun, than with my partner. (To my defense: It's the type of partner hardly anyone wants to train with, because you can hardly touch the person, without being concerned of hurting, due to constant mentioning that pretty much everything hurts) Tuesday: A little Karate, a little repeating of my grading for program. I skipped Kickboxing, because there were to many people I didn't know. And I'm certainly not resilient(?) enough lately for that; Tics are back, I'm constantly tensed and have to concentrate on not letting people notice too much; I feel like going back into my shell nearly all the time - despite taking my medication. Tomorrow I have to get a new set, maybe I'll talk to my Doc about it. Wednesday (today). Another crappy day. Karate-Kids were okay, but I was glad that I didn't have much to do. Later was some ATK, pre-grading. Could have done without that; I notice me blacking out for the grading half the time already. Before that, there was someone else doing the warm-up as usual. That was the reason why the tics were there to that extent as they were on Friday and it will be the same reason, why they will be there the next time. Grading itself was even worse. I totally screwed up one technique (like "totally"! I did the wrong thing, I stopped in the middle, I asked for repetition...). The rest was also bad. I did pass, but I don't know why. After the grading I said to my Uke, that if they have the balls, they'd let me fail. But they didn't. Afterwards my teacher asked me, if I was still unsatisfied, and when I said "yes" he answered, that I should be. He also said it wasn't a totally bad grading, but not really good either. And that it was apparent, that I only took two weeks I focused entirely on that grading. (Of course I did! Before that were other gradings, I knew the date of.) So long story, short: I passed, but the level was wayy below I what I should be able to. He even said, he saw me doing some of the techniques much better during class. This weekend i am supposed to attend an assistance-class, so I can do the trainer-course next year. Not sure, how I am supposed to make that work. Certainly at a point right now, where I hate my life for a while again.