I really wanted to post this thread in the jokes section but there was nowhere that seemed appropriate. Seeing that there are so many bouncers (former and current), previous bar staff and just general trouble makers all around at MAP I was wondering what some of the favourite passing comments and/or final salute's you've heard or given on being ejected from a hotel. If it gives it clarity, please post the incriminating scenario. For example: a mate of mine said, 'just anywhere thanks fellas' which doesn't sound that funny unless you know that he was covered in blood (his own) and being physically carried by three bouncers whilst still holding his beer (upright) and with a wailing girlfriend trailing. Also, common favourites would be: * 'Yeah, and it's a **** club anyway' * 'I've heard you water down your bloody drinks here' * 'I'll be back' * 'I'll be back with me mates!' - actually funnier if on saying this the bouncers actually pursue and he gives a squeal and runs
On a night out with a friend, we were turfed out (well asked to leave) because the bouncers were under the impression that they had banned my friend (he is convinced he has an evil twin going around Watford giving him a bad rep), we left protesting his innocence, but on our own feet. The next evening (I was not present for this bit), he was walking past the establishment in question and espied the offending bouncer, taking his opportunity he chucked his milkshake all over the bouncer and run like the clappers. Pursuit ensued with the bouncer screaming 'I am going to ********* kill you!', and my friend, surprised by the large bouncers turn of speed, replied with 'I think you might be right!' fortunatly he made good his escape. We haven't been back since. Paul.
A friend of my brother was chucked out of a nightclub on a boys night out after a drunken investigation of an unlocked cupboard revealed the the hiding place of the vacuum cleaner .he was apprehended halfway down the main stair whilst vacuuming and chucked out (the security guys couldnt keep a straight face). One of the boys on the night out (worse for wear) saw him being bodily led to the front door and "demanded" to know what he was being chucked out for. "hoovering" came the reply ."Oh fair enough then" said the drunken friend apparently satisfied with the answer. The guy who was chucked out was more worried that his wife would find out he had been hoovering than the fact he had been thrown out.
I was dragging a guy outside in a full nelson after a fight a while back, and when I let go, he spun around to hit me, and stopped. He said, "You're big. I'll just TELL my friends I beat your a$$." Then he walked off.
After one of my friends got booted out by a bouncer, another one of my mates asked the bouncer "why'd you kick him out?", to which the bouncer replied "he didn't have any ID". My friend (who was fairly 'under the influence') then replied "thats not fair, i don't have any either". It's fair to say we had to find a new pub.
LOL some of these are hilarious lol anyone got anymore? Im not a big drinker so i dont have any stories
I once saw this happen in a Night Club! Two guys were fighting in the middle of the dance floor. About 15 bouncers jumped on them from all directions - fist flying. It was just like a rugby scrum. Then, to everyones disbelief, one of the guys simply crawled out between the legs of one of the bouncers are made a hasty exit. It was just like in the cartoons! It would have been even funnier if both guys had got away and left the bouncers 'to it'.
Ron white does a bit and I will do my best ot repeat it here: "the other day I was kicked out of a bar. I am not saying they asked me to leave and I said goodbye to everyone... Six burley boucers hurled me onto the sidewalk. you know the type of bouncer that will watch Road house and fondle themselves. Anyways I was in there and I guy comes up to and says "TAKE OFF THE HAT" and I said "why?" he said "Queers around here where those types of hats" I replied "well in texas the only way we can tell is if they have their hair cut like... well like yours". So he left and I was doing my thing and well I forgot, you ever forget, it happend to me. The fella come up to me and says "Your outta here buddy"...Now I stand between 6'1" and 6'4" depending on which convenience store I am leaving, and I said "I don't think so Poindexter" turns out I was wrong. So the bouncers threw me out and then the police came by to arrest me. they said "Mr. white you are being charge with being Drunk inPublic", I said "Hey, hey, hey I was inside they threw me into public, I don't want to be drunk in public, I want to be drunk in a bar.. which is perfectly legal... Arrest them" you got buy the cd for the rest...
turning it around.. don'tcha just hate it when the man says.. "regulars only" and you are one, but the damn bouncer ain't....
Obviously buy them by the pound right? One night in a club.... 'You carrying any ID mate?' 'yeah, back in 1992' ( I'm 35, grey in my goattee and receding hairline ) but nothing and I mean nothing beats the night we were out with some of my wifes University buddies, a mixed bag of races and heading into an edinburgh club the brain donor on door says ' Sorry no Asian's tonight ' I actually stopped and did the WUUHH??? face. Ever felt embarressed by your Caste? Jim
I had an ongoing feud with a bouncer back in NZ. He didn't like the fact that he'd gone out with one of my friends and she had ditched him. He knew we were all 18 (the NZ drinking age was 20 at the time) but we were such regulars that the other bouncers always let us in. I once spent about fifteen minutes standing under a light with him staring into my eyes, arguing with him that I actually had blue eyes with brown contact lenses on (cause that's what my fake id said). the other bouncer told him to stop being a **** and let me in. The other time I had a huge argument with the guy outside a club cause he refused to give my id back. I yelled at him and seriously thought I was going to get beaten up, but I was more scared of what my older brother would do to me if I came home without his ID!
There used to be a pub in Edinburgh called "The Three Quarters". It was owned by three rugby internationals and a local businessman. One of the rugby players (Gregor Townsend) was taking one of the senior groundsmen from Murrayfield (the National rugby stadium for those who don't know) for a drink after an international when the bouncer stopped them and said to the old guy, "You can't come in mate, your too drunk". (He wasn't, he was just tired.) Gregor said, "It's okay. He's with me." To which the bouncer replied "Then you can f**k off as well mate!" Needless to say, the company that had the contract for the doors there didn't keep it for much longer!
My an my friends were going around the pubs on night (all around 18 so we had id cause none of us look it) the bouncer stopped my friend looked at her id (she was 18 so happily gave him the id) then promtly told us we couldn't go in.. apparently in warrington passports arn't good for ID... some one needs to tell the airports
Ever gone to the bars with a group of ex combat arms canadian infantry guys? Was on my course... all remusters into my trade, consisted of a bunch of ex infantry... one ex armored, on ex sniper, one ex pioneer. Was dancing... heard 'its go time' and yeah. They managed to get the out of the clubs but we came across a few of the bouncers the next day. It took every bouncer in the club to get these guys out and can vouch for the fact that my friends were not the only ones hurting that night. Oh and to clarify it started because one of the guys bumped a bouncer (not working) they got into a verbal match and all the bouncers took their friends side. Jumped my friend to get him out... so all my friends got in on it.... On the plus side other then a few bruises and the odd cut no one got really hurt.
Although i don't work the doors i have a few mates who do. its a quiet village. but with quite a few young wannabes. Whilst sat having a pint with a couple of my mates , and two on the door some kids were kicking off for not being allowed in. They proceeded to announce that they new (the name of the toughest character around- they could think of)and were gonna get him to bray us. On hearing his name we all promptly got ours phones out and offered to ring him - he was our muay thai instructor and a good friend. Needless to say the lads weren't around for long.
Some friends of mine were at a club which turned them away. they tried politely, (as politely as people are when they are slightly inebriated!) to discuss the issue. Anyway, at one point the bouncer said, ' **** off ****head ' to which one of my friends quickly replied 'What was that about your mum?' Needless to say, they left soon after that... (Im a big fan of stupid boy humour. )
