Horror Movie Survival

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by ladyhawk, Nov 27, 2002.

  1. ladyhawk

    ladyhawk Valued Member

    If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY", do so immediately.

    Never take a bath or shower with a maniac/spirit/demon/creature in the house.

    When it appears that you have killed the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and remember, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except demons and spirits. Then get the hell out of
    there!

    If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin shaking and spewing body fluids, it's time to leave.

    Never read aloud from a book that summons demons. Even as a joke.

    Don't look under the bed.

    Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

    If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.

    If relatives or pets come back from the dead, don't approach them and ask "What did you come back to do?"

    If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack you, be prudent, leave the area.

    If you've hidden from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature and you are not found, do not peek from or decide it's safe to leave your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for twigs
    before you take a step.

    Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."

    It is very, very dangerous to back into, or through rooms.

    If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you
    a lot of grief in the long run. (Note: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate them, so be prepared.)

    When you have the benefit of numbers, never, ever, pair off, or go in alone. The more people the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is distracted by, the better "your" chance of escape.

    Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.

    If demons begin possessing your companions, it's a good idea to leave the area as soon, and as quickly as possible.

    If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.

    If you've just finished running over the maniac/spirit/demon/creature in your car, keep going. Most
    certainly do not get out of the car under any circumstances to see if he/she/it is "really" dead.

    As a general rule, don't try to solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

    Don't fall asleep if you have a history of homicidal/suicidal nightmares.

    Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, etc.

    Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or near a window, especially those that appear that they would break easily.

    If you find something that appears to be alive that you cannot identify, don't pick it up or touch it, with anything.

    If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately or else you will quickly die.

    If someone is in the water and starts screaming and is pulled under, Don't go after them or peek over the edge of the shore "to see what's wrong." If you are in a boat, head for shore.

    If appliances start operating by themselves, you are in danger.

    Do not accept/take anything from the dead.

    If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for a new home.

    If you discover the place you are visiting is known for its history of mass murders, deaths, freak accidents, or supernatural occurrences, leave.

    If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.

    If you find a town which looks deserted, it is probably deserted for a damn good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

    Don't play with ouija boards. If you do and the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave.

    If supernatural beings start calling your name, leave the area immediately.

    Never pick up a hitchhiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus or Satan.

    Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you are doing.

    Make sure that your weapon is really loaded before you try to use it.

    If your space ship gets a alien distress signal from what appears to be a dead planet, don't stop to check it out.

    Never put your back to or lean on a door.

    Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.

    Never speak to clowns in sewers.

    Never accept gifts from strangers, especially if you suspect that they are really supernatural beings.

    If you're running from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, expect to trip and/or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Do not turn to look back, if you do, you stand a good chance of
    tripping immediately and being killed. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is now in front of you.

    If your companions exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, biting, thirst for blood, howling, glowing eyes, unnatural hairiness, marked resemblance to demons, excretion of
    ectoplasm or other forms of gelatinous goo, flaming appendages, extra appendages, etc., get as far away from them as possible.

    Listen closely to the soundtrack for hints on what is going on around you. Use all resources available, especially the audience, for on the average, they are much, much more intelligent than
    you could ever hope to be.

    Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

    Beware of transvestite doctors that sing.

    Avoid secluded mountain resorts, especially those which keep 'Redrum' in stock.

    Beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such as chainsaws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines, lawnmowers, knives, flamethrowers, band saws,
    crossbows, napalm, grenades, high-powered rifles, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, or Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators.

    If you're going to shoot something, in the immortal words of Robert Ruark, african game hunter, "USE ENOUGH GUN."

    If entering your craft you put your hand in a kind of sticky/slimy/resinous kind of substance that was not there before, turn and run immediately.

    If you are in the Arctic and find an alien frozen in ice, don't touch it, don't thaw it out, leave it alone. The alien should be incinerated with thermite (or preferably a thermonuclear weapon),
    otherwise if it thaws out, it will kill you and every living thing on earth.

    If you are alone in a house and something calls your name, leave the house immediately through whatever exit is in the opposite direction. If there is no exit, make one.
     
  2. Cain

    Cain New Member

    Thanx a lot I feel much better :(

    *Cain hides under the bed*

    |Cain|
     
  3. ladyhawk

    ladyhawk Valued Member

    No-No! You don't hide under the bed. You have to be on the bed, under the covers with no body parts close to the edges of the bed. Now, you're safe! LOL!
     
  4. waya

    waya Valued Member

    I'll just drag my katana and gun to bed with me lol
     
  5. LilBunnyRabbit

    LilBunnyRabbit Old One

    I'll stick with my throwing knives and tanto myself.
     
  6. Cain

    Cain New Member

    Boy the spirits and demons going to have a really hard time with the humans :D

    |Cain|
     
  7. khafra

    khafra New Member

    I was about to object, then I remembered that in movies, a thrown knife always hits and kills its target, unless the target is a martial artist or secret agent.
     
  8. wayofthedragon

    wayofthedragon The Defender

    No No No, never have you're own weapon if it's not a gun.
    Killers will use you're own weapons....especially cutting weapons against you. I've seen it happen in every case.
    The killers own weapon always works best against him, because he'll never think you're crazy enough to attempt it.

    Also, never ever make deals with the killer.

    and if the phone rings and some one starts talking crazy to you and you have no idea who it is.....hang up now.

    Now let me tell you the best thing to do.
    Prepare yourself for battle.
    Never try to run for ever.
    If they are after you, they will never leave until you are dead.
    So truely, you must find a way to kill them before they kill you.
    However, this will never happen if you are not the chosen one.
    If you are not the chosen one, the only way to stop the evil is to find out who is the chosen one.

    Tests to find out if you are the chosen one are:

    If you have strange dreams that depict you as a hero in every dream.

    If you tried to kill yourself several times, but you just wont die

    If an old ancient looking guy comes up to you and explains to you that you are indeed the chosen one, and you doubt it at first.....(denial is always the first step)

    If the killer has to work really hard to kill you when it was so easy to kill every one else (if he does indeed kill you sooner or later though, thats evidence you weren't the chosen one to begin with)

    If you are the last one on the killers list (like you'd know anyway)

    These are just some of the tests out of many to know if you are the chosen one...

    If you are not the chosen one, you're pretty muched doomed unless you find out who is so he can hurry up and do his job.
     
  9. big e

    big e New Member

    they cant kill me
    im Big e
     
  10. TkdWarrior

    TkdWarrior Valued Member

    how could i miss this important piece of information...
    i m feeling scared...
    m i the chosen one?...
    wait on a sec...
    couple of guys r missing...
    wotd n cain..
    now rest of guys n girls watever happens dont go alone...
    *scared*
    -TkdWarrior-
     
  11. Cain

    Cain New Member

    My spirit is back n out to get u......

    WOOOOOOOOOOOO

    :D :D :D :D :D

    |Cain|
     
  12. darlph

    darlph New Member

    I have one to add... When you go into hiding, try to control your heavy breathing, it's a sure thing to attract them and it's not for a date.
    You know, Ladyhawke you should have wriiten Scary Movie III just please, no implants.
     
  13. Spike

    Spike New Member

    "No No No, never have you're own weapon if it's not a gun.
    Killers will use you're own weapons...."

    No, what you do is when you get a call on the phone that says "I`m in your house" reply "good" then hold the phone next to your sword as you unsheath it and say "I`m going to go around and lock all the doors now so you can`t get away" an evil cackle is always suitable at this point
     
  14. Jeff

    Jeff New Member

    The problem with zombie films and undead films is that the guys run away really fast and the undead are stumbling around going as fast as a tortiose goes when it's walking into the wind. The running person falls and all of a sudden they are munched by zombies although they were 300meters away!!! unrealistic...........lame!
     
  15. Mushroom

    Mushroom De-powered to come back better than before.

    FUN :D:D
    You really wanna watch 2hrs of people running away from something so slow?
    Hell no! I wanna watch a zombie movie to see what zombies do to people. Otherwise its not that scary.
     
  16. Visage

    Visage Banned Banned

    You havn't seen "28 Days Later" have you???

    *shudders*

    Them zombies be running! :cry:
     
  17. choconutjoe

    choconutjoe New Member

    Unless you're in a Hellraiser movie, then you have to do it in order for Pinhead to appear, and Pinhead is the only reason that anyone watches Hellraiser movies :D
     
  18. Kinjiro Tsukasa

    Kinjiro Tsukasa I'm hungry; got troll? Supporter

    If we were allowed to advertise other web sites in here, I'd link you all to a thread that has 268 pages of stuff like this (although not necessarily related to horror films), but we're not, so -- sorry! :D
     
  19. JTiedes

    JTiedes Wielder of the Wiffle.

    when in doubt just use a flame thrower.
    you dont have to be faster than the bad buy, just faster than someone else
     

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