fire relight

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by sky, May 3, 2015.

  1. sky

    sky Valued Member

    I have come here for guidance because as a teenager I used to come to this site a lot. I haven't been here for years so for me its like coming back to my roots.
    Quick sum up of my story, been involved in martial arts now for the past 15 years. I got into MMA an turned professional back in 2010. I had 3 pro fights in he space of 18 months and went onto a 3-0 record. I don know what happened but I got depression and stopped competing, and didn't train as much. I got back into training still fighting depression then tore my acl, so that side lined me for a while longer.
    I now am physically in a good condition, mentally I am better although I still fight depression from time to time.
    My question is, I want to compete again but need to find the fire inside! I can find a flame but not the fire, if that makes sense?
    Just wondering if anyone has any tips or advice?

    Thanks guys
     
  2. aaradia

    aaradia Choy Li Fut and Yang Tai Chi Chuan Student Moderator Supporter

    If you have been battling depression that long and it is affecting you that much, I suggest counseling. Take the time to find a good one. Don't just settle on the first one if it isn't a good match for you. And don't let the stigma some associate with it stop you. Many people battle depression.

    Let us know how it goes.............
     
  3. sky

    sky Valued Member

    Thanks for your reply. I have had counselling and there wasn't any issues that came up. In the end the counsellor said my depression could be down to chemical imbalances in the brain. After trying different nootropics and cleaning up my diet i felt alot better. I just have trouble some times having the fire to chase that dream again
     
  4. VoidKarateka

    VoidKarateka Valued Member

    I think it varies from person to person mate. I don't know your full circumstances but I know depression and I know life dealing you cards that are neither fair nor helpful.

    I can only speak from my own personal experience so apologies in advance if it's not helpful.

    I've been battling depression since about 2007. I'd just finished basic training with the army, set my goals, made good relationships and was gearing up for a long term in the British Army. Then the seizures started. Long story short I have epilepsy and it went undiagnosed and unnoticed since I was a teen. I couldn't continue the career I wanted and ended up fairly stuffed. Skip forward through spending time getting reeducated at college, having my first decent career prospect dashed by redundancy (credit crunch), a stack of demeaning, low paying jobs; becoming a father, becoming homeless and struggling to get a home; starting back from square one in work and becoming a father again; now I am in a position where I am able to fight depression.

    I never realised it but I was probably suffering depression since my military career was pulled out from under my feet.

    I was lucky, I had people to support me at the right times (my missus in particular deserves a medal or ten for putting up with me at my worst) and having kids gave me a reason to get out and do my job as a parent.

    Anyways on to my point. During all this time I've had some ups and downs in my dojo. Last year coming in to this year I almost completely decided to give up. Jack it all in and forget about it. I'd gained weight, my skills were sloppy and I just didn't feel like a karateka anymore. Long story short again I caved in and finally admitted to the depression. Admitted to what I considered the weakness. I'm currently seeing my gp now and again and waiting on a review with a specialist. I wouldn't say I'm 'cured' but I would say it's allowed me to face a very real problem. I just never realised how big the problem was until I really opened my eyes. I started going to a new gym to get in shape and feel a bit better. Eventually decided to try some boxing and some muay thai. Found I really liked it. Found myself drawn back to karate. Started doing kata, basics and bagwork at home again. The tiny spark had never really gone away. It just needed the right amount of nurturing to bring back up to scratch.

    Yesterday I ran my first independent kids karate class. Thursday will be my second and Friday will be my first adults. I'm an instructor again! Not only that, I'm not just helping at my honbu anymore I'm actually running my own classes. I still have a ways to go to get back in shape fully and my abilities are by no means perfect (shimeijurasan) but I feel really motivated again. I'm carrying on with the boxing and MT and hopefully I can try my hand at some amateur fights before too long.

    You built yourself up to be a fighter. I might not know you but I know it takes a certain 'something' to do that. That 'something' doesn't just die. I might get pushed down, and buried away but it will never be gone.

    I think you need to find the interest again. Maybe hit your local gym and get a feel for that endorphine spike again. Attend any local fights and see if you get that feeling in your belly. Maybe even try something completely new to challenge yourself ( I've just started doing aerial fitness, ridiculously hard).

    The depression never goes away. There's no cure. I personally have my off days but I muddle through and I'm kept in check by my missus. Allow people to help you and don't think it's weak to speak to people and make your personal needs known. As for your spark, I've no doubt it's there. As I said dabble with things, find the interest again, build yourself up steadily.

    Hope that helps mate, if you need a chat or a rant, gimme a shout. :)
     

Share This Page