Depression Coming Back

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Pretty In Pink, Apr 23, 2016.

  1. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    In a big way. Really became prominent in the last two weeks. Since I've came back from Thailand I've rarely been happy. I can't tell if it's a chemical imbalance or its my current situation. I've broken up with my girlfriend and my cousin is going to jail for probably the next 5-10 years.

    Mostly it hasn't been a problem but when I go training and I have a bad night it's exaggerated and can really put me down. Suicidal thoughts and whatnot.

    I'm starting to recognise what depression is and stay aware of it but it's still hard. Like right now. I feel absolutely fine physically, and I've had a decent day. But I'm holding back tears. I literally have no idea why I want to cry but I can feel it. I've also had suicidal thoughts involving North Bridge. I find myself debating about the best way to kill myself. Not nice stuff.

    Last time I went to the doctors they did pretty much nothing. As mental health isn't really funded by the government I struggle to get to see someone for free. I think I'm just going to self medicate with fitness. Stuff non-competition related. I think that will really help to get my exercise and not worry about the performance.

    Anyway, just thought I'd share. Problem shared and all that. I'll live through it. End of the day I'm just too scared to ACTUALLY kill myself :p
  2. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    That's real brave of you to make a post like this, Chadderz.

    My first thought is to speak to MIND.

    They helped my one of my friends and students when she was having issues.

    They can be contacted on 0300 123 3393.

    There lines are open 9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday (except for bank holidays).

    My second recommendation is The Samaritans

    Whatever you do, don't do it alone.

    You are not alone.
  3. bassai

    bassai onwards and upwards ! Moderator Supporter

    My wife's suffered from depression for quite a while now , and if I'm honest , I've had some pretty dark thoughts the last 12 months myself.
    You seem to have a pretty positive (if that's the right phrase) short term outlook and talking about it is pretty healthy , have you any close friends you could go and get it off your chest with ? Also , the Samaritans are a fantastic group to get in touch with.
    Sorry I can't be much more help but I hope you find a way through a his mate.
  4. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    I have several very close friends who suffer from depression and have found teh following suggestions helpful:

    Are you on any meds Chadderz? They do not always work forever and you may need to either change the dose or else change the meds

    SaME is an OtC supplement that has been shown to have an effect too, and you may also want to look at light therapy lamps (SAD is a legit issue in some places and lifestyles indoors do not help)

    I also recommend cognitive therapy as it helps channel these thoughts away from you - they do not go away and stop happening, but you help recognise them for what they are

    I am always available if you need to chat too

    We got your back
  5. waterway

    waterway New Member

    Really brave to admit what's happening. I've been involved with people who suffer from depression and here is my advice:

    Try and write down everything. What you ate, how much sleep you got, what happened during training... everything. You'll find there are certain things that can trigger depression. Certain food and drink for example use to set my partner off.

    Once you know what your triggers are, that can help you manage it. Just remember too that you're never going through it alone.

    Stay strong.
  6. Van Zandt

    Van Zandt Mr. High Kick

  7. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    Thanks everyone. I don't think I'm being brave talking about it. I'm generally an open book anyway. Just thought if anybody had good advice it would be you guys and girls.

    @Simon, I've never thought about phone calls. Tbh I often prefer talking to complete strangers so that might be a good idea.

    @Bassai I don't have too much to be upset at, I just am. You stay strong man. Things always get better.

    @Hannibal nah I have never taken meds. I'm pretty against it. I'm scared of how they might change me. I appreciate your support. I'm not sure if I have SAD. Last two days have been sunshine in Edinburgh (unbelievable though it may seem) and I've stayed inside and glared at the tv with the windows shut. Probably shouldn't have but I just didn't want to go outside. I didn't go training for three days too.

    @Waterway thanks and welcome to MAP! That's great advice and someone keeps telling me to do the same thing. I just can't remember who....
  8. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member


    I'm so sorry to hear you are having to deal with this, depression is bloody awful.

    Hit your GP over the head with the NICE guidelines, I'm assuming they apply to you lot up north. :)

    Both MIND and Samaritans are good at what they do so make sure you take advantage of them.

    Don't fret about meds, easier said than done I know, they can work very well and can be a temporary measure to give you that small step up you might need.
  9. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    If you have any questions about Samaritans then please feel free to drop me a line either here or on Facebook. I did four years volunteering on the phones with them.
  10. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    How do you keep it up? Like, Im thinking about calling but I don't want to dump so much negative emotion on someone! How do they deal with it?
  11. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    Dean Winchester will answer with experience, but I'd say it's because they want and can help.

    Don't think about calling. Call.

    They want your call.

    You called us after all. :)

    I found this online.

    Give something back to an organisation that has impacted on a person's life, either directly or indirectly
    Make a difference to the lives of others
    Help the environment
    Help others less fortunate or without a voice
    Feel valued and part of a team
    Spend quality time away from work or a busy lifestyle
    Gain confidence and self-esteem

    For some, volunteering can be a route to employment, or a chance to try something new which may lead to a career change. From this perspective, volunteering can be a way of:
    Gaining new skills, knowledge and experience
    Developing existing skills and knowledge
    Enhancing a CV
    Improving one's employment prospects
    Gaining an accreditation
    Using one's professional skills and knowledge to benefit others (usually described as pro bono)

    For others, volunteering appeals because of its social benefits. These include:
    Meeting new people and making new friends
    A chance to socialise
    Getting to know the local community

    There is lots of anecdotal evidence that volunteering has a positive impact on health.
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2016
  12. flaming

    flaming Valued Member

    I get depressed to, send me a pm if you feel like it...
  13. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    Don't worry about that, it speaks well of you that you do though.

    They have lots of training and a good support system. The volunteers are looked after, don't worry.

  14. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    Chadderz, I've spoken to my friend and she's offered this advice.

    Charli kept a blog and you'll have to scroll back to the stuff before the Peru trip to read about her mental health story. This is where the blog begins.

    Charli, if you read this thank you for helping. :)
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2016
  15. AndrewTheAndroid

    AndrewTheAndroid A hero for fun.

    I am also dealing with depression. I am on meds and they have helped but I am still in a crappy situation. I am over weight, single, jobless and live at home with my parents. My only hope is that I can save up enough money to move out after this summer. I have pretty much given up on martial arts because there isn't a style that I like that is near me. I've had to take up other hobbies to fill the time. I have never had any sense of accomplishment in my life because I dropped out of college twice. Even at the best of times I am full of self doubt and anger. I hate my life right now.
  16. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    Do you have the same type of volunteer organisations in China.
  17. skuggvarg

    skuggvarg Valued Member

    Hey Chadderz,

    Sad to hear you are having a rough time. My only 2 cents would be to try to get enough sleep (go to bed earlier if you are having trouble falling asleep) and try eating healthy food with lots of minerals.

    Eventually things will feel better, for sure. Training has always been good when Ive been feeling low. Hope it works the same way for you!

    Regards / Skuggvarg
  18. Dean Winchester

    Dean Winchester Valued Member

    Just to stick my oar in.

    You can email Samaritans from anywhere. So while call coverage is pretty much UK based, email support is world wide.
  19. AndrewTheAndroid

    AndrewTheAndroid A hero for fun.

    There isn't it. But I am living back in Canada now.
  20. Dead_pool

    Dead_pool Spes mea in nihil Deus MAP 2017 Moi Award

    Go and talk to your GP, Mental healthcare is underfunded, but it is there, if medication is offered, consider it, its better to use them as a short term crutch and start to recover, then refuse them, and spiral downward.

    Good luck.

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