Can love be planned? Can you make someone love you? - Need EVERYONE'S input!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Big Will, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. Big Will

    Big Will NinpƓ Ikkan

    Hey guys! :)

    For the past two years I've been studying copywriting at an advertising/design school, and now I'm working on my graduation project. This will be exhibited on may 24th-27th.

    I'm writing a movie script for a romantic comedy, but for the exhibit specifically I will be using quotes from people all over the world regarding the movie's theme - namely, "Can love be planned? Can you be strategical about love? Can you make someone fall in love with you?"

    The main character in my script believes so, and has always been busy with making girls fall for him (through action, planned behavior, etc), but not thinking about the actual non-physical feelings involved from either side. (Of course, by the end of the story, he has realized a different truth... )

    So guys (and gals!) what I need from you are your thoughts about this subject. You don't have to write a lot, but should you have any stories about it that's fine too. (Maybe you've been in love with someone and done just about anything to make them respond to it, but it just didn't work? Or maybe it did work initally, i.e. she got interested, but it never worked out because the real feelings just weren't there? )

    But I in the end I just need something that I can quote, and your first name, age and which country you are from.

    It would REALLY be appreciated :D
     
  2. medi

    medi Sadly Passed Away - RIP

    Yes and no.


    In my experience: With most girls that are worthwhile, the only 'plan' is to make sure you be yourself, and if they like it, great.

    It's pretty easy to see through someone trying to be something they're not, and the internal discomfort it causes becomes apparent in the person's behavior too (even just subconsciously). Thus making the potential partner actually like you less.


    Edit: Medievil, 32. UK. :)
     
  3. slipthejab

    slipthejab Hark, a vagrant! Supporter

    I think it can. There is no hard fast definition of 'love' to beging with so I wonder how you're going to account for that.

    In the west... marriages are often based on the concept of 'love'... as in fall i love first and get married.

    But in much of the world that sort of arrangement doesn't exist. Marriages are planned affairs planned by the parents and grandparents... much of the decisions are made for the kids when they're around 12 or 13. There are complex social reasons why this is done.

    To most westerners it sounds absolutely outrageous... but to the people who've grown up with this system it's generally acceptable. Not that there aren't problems... but by and large I think it works out. It's a very common trait among the Tibetans, Sikkimese, Nepalese, Indians, Pakistani's and many other Central and South Asian cultures.

    I personally know many, many people who've had an arranged marriage and I've found that they tend to stay married longer than their western counterparts. Again it's complex... but when I've questioned them about it... I've often got the response:

    'I didn't love him/her at first because I didn't know him...
    but I grew to love him/her over time'


    I don't say that arranged marriages are withouth their problems... because I've heard and know of cases that have problems... but... in my experience they're fewer and farther between than their western 'love' marriage counterparts. Of course that's based on informal, anecdotal evidence.

    So in short... yes... 'love' can be planned.

    Slipthejab
    37
     
  4. tom pain

    tom pain I want Chewbacc for good

    No, you cannot plan 'love'. It occurs naturally. And when it does, you just have to embrace it and encourage it to develop into something special.

    Tom, 19, Wales.

    :)
     
  5. Pacificshore

    Pacificshore Hit n RUN!

    You can plan to fall in 'love', but you can't plan who you are going to fall 'in love' with because we are dealing with human emotions :)

    PacShore, 41, United States
     
  6. medi

    medi Sadly Passed Away - RIP


    Yet in marriages everywhere people can convince themselves that they're in love with their partner long after their relationship is dead in the water.

    It's very hard for someone to recognize that they're basically wasting their life staying with someone just because it's the easier and more familiar path. That's without the added external social/familial pressure of being in an arranged marriage in the first place.
     
  7. Su lin

    Su lin Gone away

    Bahhh!

    I dont believe in love.


    Louise, 21,England
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2007
  8. Pacificshore

    Pacificshore Hit n RUN!

    Well maybe Panda love...... :p :love:
     
  9. Su lin

    Su lin Gone away

    Nope.Not even panda love!! :eek:


    (Im in a bad mood!) :cry:
     
  10. slipthejab

    slipthejab Hark, a vagrant! Supporter

    I'd agree. I don't deny that one bit. I guess that in the people that I know that have arranged marriages though I don't see the same sorts of bickering and unhappiness that I often see in friends of mine that have 'love' marriages... even after just a few years.

    I guess it all depends on how one defines 'wasting their life'... most of the arranged marriage families that I know have more traditional gender roles than do the 'love' marriages that I know. It'd seem to make sense given that they often come from cultures more centered around extended families. Having said that what I've seen in most arranged marriages is the focus is on raising a family and making sure that the parents are taken care of in old age.

    I wouldn't neccessarily consider either of those tasks 'wasting' of lives.
    I also don't know that I'd consider going out every night to a club and getting ****ed up a neccessarily good use of a life either.

    Granted if somehow one of the people in that arranged marriage wanted to become a rocket scientist or a UN representative or for that matter a stripper... but they found themselves in an arranged marriage where that wasn't possible... then there's a good chance that could be considered waste.

    Again though I think in the east there is a vastly different set of expectations placed on a person by both society and family... basically by culture. The individuals want's, needs, desires are somewhat secondary compared to those of the family.
     
  11. medi

    medi Sadly Passed Away - RIP


    That's very apparent.


    Generally I find it difficult in some ways to discuss this kind of thing, because I tend to project like hell. Basically I was with someone from the age of 18 to 30, and when it came to the "It's time to get married!" crunch I realized I wasn't in love with her any more and broke it off.

    I don't feel like I wasted my life with her as such, but at the time I had no idea how much happier I'd be once it was over.
     
  12. Big Will

    Big Will NinpƓ Ikkan

    Excellent discussion guys! :D Please keep it up!
     
  13. Victoria

    Victoria Pretzel In Training

    No, you cannot plan 'love'. It occurs naturally. And when it does, you just have to run the other way 'cause it's not worth the agro.

    :Angel:

    :yeleyes:

    V, UK, 24
     
  14. flaming

    flaming Valued Member

    I cant say I only have lust, though i do try to say it is love.
     
  15. cloudz

    cloudz Valued Member

    yes, yes and yes. Just because there is a plan doesn't mean the plan will work. That's in the execution. But where there is love at hand, the other hand is holding a plan!
    It's there even when it swears blindly it isn't. "Love is blind" - what do you expect.. :love:
     
  16. Chimpcheng

    Chimpcheng Yup... Giant cow head... Supporter

    I'm planning some love this weekend. If you shop around you can get it cheaper... ;) :Angel:
     
  17. Su lin

    Su lin Gone away

    No ,see you are getting all confused again Chimpy boy.

    I LOVE Gordon Liu- that is complete, pure and utter reciprocated unconditional love. You're thinking about dirty rude love! :p
     
  18. slipthejab

    slipthejab Hark, a vagrant! Supporter

    Classic.
    A man who's not afraid to embrace his simian roots. :D
     
  19. Hiroji

    Hiroji laugh often, love much

    I dont think you can plan love, i think it just happens...you live your life, you meet someone who you then fall in love with. You can go looking for love i suppose like speed dating! which i guess you could say is a plan.

    Im not sure about making someone love you. In my experiences if someone dont love you, no matter how much you may care for them they just dont love you back...thats life. However i have met people who i didnt have any strong feelings for to begin with..but overtime once you get to know someone you can become closer.

    Glen
    23
     
  20. Johnno

    Johnno Valued Member

    There's no such thing as love. It's just a rather idealised concept we use to tart up a range of our animal instincts, such as lust for a potential/actual mate, our protective urges towards our children, our attachment to certain objects, etc.

    Johnno, UK, 43.
     

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