Article for discussion: THE TRUTH AND LIES ABOUT WOMEN'S SELF DEFENSE

ESSAY PUBLISHED BY EMORY UNIVERSITY
By- Lorne Coleman
ESCAPE Women's Self Defense and Empowerment Programs
770-433-9371

THE TRUTH AND LIES ABOUT WOMEN'S SELF DEFENSE

Like most of the media messages targeted at women, the messages women receive about self-defense contain myths designed to perpetuate our rape culture, a culture which accepts male violence against women as the norm. Since men usually write these messages, there is a problem with the very language of women's self-defense. Even the phrase "women's self-defense," implies that it is, in essence, somehow different from men's self-defense. Do you ever see ads for men's self-defense classes or media pieces on men's self-defense? The reason you do not is that our patriarchal society automatically acknowledges that men have a "self" worth defending, and, rest assured, they will defend it (see Schwarzenegger, Snipes, Stallone, Van Damme, Willis, ad nauseum.) Rape culture dictates that men are entitled to their space in the world, and pity the fool (or the culture) that "threatens" their space or thwarts their efforts to take women's space.

Men manipulate the language of self-defense to their advantage, and to women's disadvantage. In Real Knockouts: The Physical Feminism of Women's Self-Defense, Martha McCaughey discusses how self-defense law (language written by men) usually works against women who successfully defend themselves against male violence. When a man victimizes a woman, she is often blamed for using bad judgment or accused of actually desiring the victimization. When a woman successfully defends herself against a male attacker, she is often accused of employing inappropriate and/or premeditated aggression.

When the media presents news coverage about a man being robbed at an ATM at night, do you ever hear anyone questioning what the man was doing at an ATM at night by himself, or suggesting that men should carry a pepper spray, a chemical agent, a stun gun, or any of the other personal safety devices which are heavily marketed to women? Clearly, you do not need the assistance of a self-defense expert to identify the message which underlies the following "commandments" of women's self-defense: women should always vary their daily routine, in case they are being watched; "women should never run alone in the park"; "women should arrange to do all their shopping and errands during daylight hours"; "women should never go out alone after dark"; "women should/women should not..." ad infinitum.

OUR RAPE CULTURE'S MESSAGE TO WOMEN IS: ALL SPACE, AT ALL TIMES, BELONGS TO MEN!

With their proclamation that "women should never go out alone after dark," men hope to make you believe that you can keep male violence at bay with a dead bolt. "I'll just stay home tonight," you might rationalize, but what you would actually be agreeing to is a restriction of your personal freedom. In return for this loss of freedom, men offer you the false hope that locking yourself inside after dark will prevent them from beating you, raping you, or killing you. The United States Department of Justice documents that eight out of ten women recognize the face of their attacker, a man they trust enough to allow into their home or someone who already shares their home. According to the latest FBI statistics, one out of every four women will be targeted for sexual assault, and a woman is beaten every nine seconds. Oops, there's that language manipulation trick again! Let's state the truth more clearly:

THE TRUTH:

AMERICAN MEN RAPE ONE OUT OF EVERY FOUR AMERICAN WOMEN.

A MAN BEATS A WOMAN EVERY NINE SECONDS IN THIS COUNTRY.

The truth is that the men in your life are more likely to verbally/emotionally abuse you, harass you, stalk you, beat you, rape you, and murder you than the men locked outside your door (Bureau of Justice Statistics report, "Female Victims of Violent Crime," 1996). For further insight into the way men manipulate language to avoid accountability for their violence against women, please see Talking Back, by bell hooks, and Fugitive Information, by Kay Hagen.

RAPE CULTURE MYTH:

WOMEN ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MEN'S VIOLENCE AGAINST THEM.

It is no accident that you are led to believe that you are somehow responsible for men's violence against you. The language is intended to perpetuate the myth: "Why did you accept a ride from him?"; "Why did you allow yourself to get drunk at that frat party?"; "Why did you wear that short skirt?"; "Why did you agree to let him walk you back to your apartment?"; "The bitch had it coming!"; "You know she really wanted it!" This language is meant to promote protectionism, the "women should/women should not" school of sexist thought. Protectionism is most men's idea of women's self-defense. Protectionism is one of our rape culture's most effective means of imposing misplaced shame, blame, and guilt onto women so that men will suffer very few negative consequences for their choice to use violence against women. The FBI documents that rape is the most underreported of all violent crimes. Many women reporting assault fear they will be disbelieved or blamed for the violence that men have inflicted upon them. The question should not be, "Why did you allow him to drive you home?"

THE REAL QUESTION IS:

WHY WOULD HE CHOOSE TO RAPE YOU?

The answer, sadly, is because he knows that he will most likely get away with it. About half of rape defendants are released prior to trial, and only about two-thirds of convicted rapists ever receive a prison sentence (Bureau of Justice Statistics report, "Sex Offenses and Offenders," 1997).

Do you dream that a man is attacking you and you try to scream, but no sound will come out, and you try to fight back, but your body will not move? This dream is universally reported among women who grow up in this society. It is a result of the constant negative, sexist conditioning that our society imposes upon you from infancy. Unlike G.I. Joe, Barbie is never allowed to fight with Ken; it would not be feminine! Every night on television, men objectify and brutalize countless women. If you walk through the horror film section of any video store, you will find that almost every cover depicts an act of male violence against women. Pornographic "snuff films" take men's violent fantasies to their ultimate conclusion: men literally rape, torture, and murder women on screen. Protectionist "self-defense experts" tell you that you should never go out alone after dark and suggest that you urinate and defecate on yourself should you be attacked (actions which can actually fuel the rapist's intention to terrorize and humiliate his victim). If you decide to buy a weapon for self-defense, these same "experts" advise you to select one which will not kill YOU when your male attacker turns the weapon against you!


ANOTHER RAPE CULTURE MYTH:

WOMEN ARE INCAPABLE OF DEFENDING THEMSELVES.

Television networks do their part to perpetuate this myth. "Watch it boys, she's a black belt!" scoffs the villain on a popular television series. The

woman he is attacking defends herself with numerous punches and kicks, but to no avail. He is too big, too tough, too strong! This message that men are invincible and that women are inherently vulnerable is designed to control and oppress women, to keep you available for male victimization. With their smoke screen myths of men's invincibility and women's incapability, what is it that our rape culture's propagandists are trying to conceal?

THE TRUTH:

POLICE REPORTS DOCUMENT THAT WOMEN OF ALL AGES

SUCCESSFULLY DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST MALE ATTACKERS.

Women do have success stories to tell, despite the fact that the media rarely shares them with us. You can read women's self-defense success stories in the following books: Real Knockouts; Back Off! How to Confront and Stop Sexual Harassment and Harassers; Her Wits About Her; The Gift of Fear; and Fight Back: Feminist Resistance to Male Violence. As you read women's stories, you will learn the truth about women's self-defense from the women who have done it successfully. You may decide to train with feminist self-defense instructors who will empower you with women's truths, authentic women's self-defense. Real Knockouts, Her Wits About Her, and Essence Magazine (January, 1996) provide information about empowering women's self-defense programs around the country. One of the most encouraging facts you will learn from women's success stories is that women who listen to, and act upon, their awareness and intuition, and who set strong verbal boundaries, have a very high success rate in defending themselves without fighting (see Back Off!) It is inspiring to report, however, that women who do choose to fight have an equally high success rate in defending themselves (see Stopping Rape: Successful Survival Strategies).

In the city of Los Angeles, the Model Mugging Women's Self-Defense & Empowerment Program has documented over one-thousand knockouts of men by women in self-defense scenarios. Graduates of empowering women's self-defense programs report a new awareness of options, both verbal and physical, and a new confidence in their ability to assert and defend themselves. It is important to keep in mind that self-defense training should never be about second guessing ourselves, or anyone else. There are no guarantees in self-defense. If you are the survivor of rape, or of abuse or violence of any other kind, please know that you did everything right. You are not responsible for another's choice to use violence against you.

THE TRUTH:

MEN ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN.

It is hopeful that groups like Men Stopping Violence, a program based in Atlanta, are finally holding men accountable. In their twenty-four week program, the male instructors of Men Stopping Violence confront men about their choice to use violence against women, and challenge them to make a different choice. But until men choose to stop using violence against women (see Transforming A Rape Culture), women need to have realistic options for defending themselves.

In Real Knockouts, Martha McCaughey describes empowering women's self-defense training as "physical feminism," because the training enables you to combat the myths which perpetuate rape culture. "I went through the self-defense metamorphosis," she explains. "I learned to jab, punch, poke, pull, kick, yell, stomp, shoot, and even kill with my bare hands. But the fighting spirit is much more than that: self-defense transforms the way it feels to inhabit a female body...Self-defense instruction shows women how to thwart assault aggressively, and in so doing throws open for critique the gender ideologies to which we have all become more or less habituated."


ANOTHER RAPE CULTURE MYTH:

WOMEN ARE INCAPABLE OF DEFENDING THEMSELVES.

Television networks do their part to perpetuate this myth. "Watch it boys, she's a black belt!" scoffs the villain on a popular television series. The woman he is attacking defends herself with numerous punches and kicks, but to no avail. He is too big, too tough, too strong! This message that men are invincible and that women are inherently vulnerable is designed to control and oppress women, to keep you available for male victimization. With their smoke screen myths of men's invincibility and women's incapability, what is it that our rape culture's propagandists are trying to conceal?

THE TRUTH:

POLICE REPORTS DOCUMENT THAT WOMEN OF ALL AGES

SUCCESSFULLY DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST MALE ATTACKERS.

Women do have success stories to tell, despite the fact that the media rarely shares them with us. You can read women's self-defense success stories in the following books: Real Knockouts; Back Off! How to Confront and Stop Sexual Harassment and Harassers; Her Wits About Her; The Gift of Fear; and Fight Back: Feminist Resistance to Male Violence. As you read women's stories, you will learn the truth about women's self-defense from the women who have done it successfully. You may decide to train with feminist self-defense instructors who will empower you with women's truths, authentic women's self-defense. Real Knockouts, Her Wits About Her, and Essence Magazine (January, 1996) provide information about empowering women's self-defense programs around the country. One of the most encouraging facts you will learn from women's success stories is that women who listen to, and act upon, their awareness and intuition, and who set strong verbal boundaries, have a very high success rate in defending themselves without fighting (see Back Off!) It is inspiring to report, however, that women who do choose to fight have an equally high success rate in defending themselves (see Stopping Rape: Successful Survival Strategies).

In the city of Los Angeles, the Model Mugging Women's Self-Defense & Empowerment Program has documented over one-thousand knockouts of men by women in self-defense scenarios. Graduates of empowering women's self-defense programs report a new awareness of options, both verbal and physical, and a new confidence in their ability to assert and defend themselves. It is important to keep in mind that self-defense training should never be about second guessing ourselves, or anyone else. There are no guarantees in self-defense. If you are the survivor of rape, or of abuse or violence of any other kind, please know that you did everything right. You are not responsible for another's choice to use violence against you.

THE TRUTH:

MEN ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN.

It is hopeful that groups like Men Stopping Violence, a program based in Atlanta, are finally holding men accountable. In their twenty-four week program, the male instructors of Men Stopping Violence confront men about their choice to use violence against women, and challenge them to make a different choice. But until men choose to stop using violence against women (see Transforming A Rape Culture), women need to have realistic options for defending themselves.

In Real Knockouts, Martha McCaughey describes empowering women's self-defense training as "physical feminism," because the training enables you to combat the myths which perpetuate rape culture. "I went through the self-defense metamorphosis," she explains. "I learned to jab, punch, poke, pull, kick, yell, stomp, shoot, and even kill with my bare hands. But the fighting spirit is much more than that: self-defense transforms the way it feels to inhabit a female body...Self-defense instruction shows women how to thwart assault aggressively, and in so doing throws open for critique the gender ideologies to which we have all become more or less habituated." (page three)

NEW MESSAGE:

WOMEN HAVE A RIGHT TO THEIR SPACE!

WOMEN HAVE A RIGHT TO THEIR FREEDOM & AUTONOMY!

WE WILL DEFEND THESE RIGHTS...

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!

How many times have you heard "she asked for it!" No way!

 

Very inflammatory, but understandably so. These are complicated and difficult waters to navigate. The tone of the article suggests to me that the author had some bad experiences of her own, but I suppose that that's irrelevant.

There is a discrepancy between men's rights and women's rights, all the way down to the way each is perceived. I support any endeavor to even things out, and I certainly do agree with a lot of her points. The root of the problem, if you ask me, is with a lot of women who allow these things to happen to them. I say allow even though it isn't quite that simple, but, you know, as a dunderhead force-monkey Snipes-loving male, it seems that way to me. I understand that many (most?) women are encouraged (I should say taught) to be subservient from early on, and this is probably one of the greatest contributors to the issue. Many seem to be raised without the idea that they can stand up to the world around them, and aren't just powerless playthings. The other one, though, is women who uphold the status quo in their one way. Harpies and whatnot, who just as slavishly maintain the strange notions of what a woman "should" and "should not" be.

To see any lasting progress in the matter is going to require a joint effort of men and women. Ironically, more men should be cultivating feminine virtues (though not to the exclusion of the natural masculine ones), and more women should be cultivating masculine virtues though, of course, not to the exclusion of their natural feminine ones. Each gender has something it could learn from the other.

But the Networks, Big Business and suchlike will always favor the status quo, so while I don't entirely disagree with pointing the finger at TV for sending bad messages, I don't think it'll accomplish much.

 

An excellent and informative article. Thanks Mel.

Ordinarily I don't like such inflamitory dialogue, but in this culture of victim blame, I think it is exactly what is needed.

I've never really agreed with the term "women's self defence" as I too believe that self defence is self defence, regardless of gender. However we have to admit that unfortunately women will attract certain attackers more readily than men will, based solely on their gender.

 

Hmmm... I've been working on a partial rebuttal to the arguement style and have come to the conclusion that it's nearly impossible to refute the presentation of information here without sounding like an advocate of violence to women.

I do want to highlight one oversimplification in the article that I think is represenative of the manipulative rhetorical tools used by the author:
--------------------------------
THE TRUTH:
AMERICAN MEN RAPE ONE OUT OF EVERY FOUR AMERICAN WOMEN.
--------------------------------
I tracked down the 2000 report that this was pulled from. Here's the exact passage:

"o Intimate partner violence is pervasive in U.S. society. Nearly 25 percent of
surveyed women and 7.5 percent of surveyed men said they were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or date at some time in their lifetime; 1.5 percent of surveyed women and 0.9 percent of surveyed men said they were raped and/or physically assaulted by a partner in the previous 12 months." source Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, 2000

So first of all the number in question "Nearly 25%" did not simply reference rape. It was a combined number of rape and assault. Digging into the report you find that of that 25%, approximately 17% (17% too many unfortunately) of cases only involved assault. Only 7.7% involved rape (and that's 7.7% too many as well). And further that these numbers were for women being attacked by an intimate relation and not the population in general.

This is not to in any way discount physical assault, or suggest that it is better or worse than rape. Although the implication here is that "rape" is in fact worse than assault. And I think that is a far more disturbing trend in culture. By focusing particularly on sexual assault I think we support a notion, which I do agree is present in our media (though more quantitative data should have been used in this article), that physical assault is somewhat more acceptible.

The other issue that I have with this quote is that it, in my reading of it, carries a loaded subtext.The usage of the term "American men", which linguistically suggests a strange sort of class/grouping that includes all american men. The construction of the sentence could be interpreted to read "one in four American men is a rapist." Currently there is no accompanying data as to the % of the male population that are rapists/spousal abusers. Anecdotally, based on the data, it seem to be the case that these attacks are conducted by a subset of the population who unforunately remain at large to continue violence against women.

I think the overall message is good, but like most feminist movement peices, I think the far more scary information gets lost in the rhetoric.

Oh and Judderman, one other thing to note is that the study that the numbers were pulled from was specifically on "Intimate violence". So we can't use data from it to compare overall attack rates male to female as the majority of assaults on men tend to come from people they do not know intimately.

Did I mention how sick it makes me that the most dangerous place for a woman is the home.

- Matt

 

I appreciate its a bit on the over-stated side - but it seemed to hit home with me - like it did with you. I have just moved to a new area, I know there has been trouble in this area in the past and remain wary at all times - I guess thats why this subject has become so important to me recently.

 

Agreed. Melanie, in regards to that trouble, were they attacks in public spaces? Or was it more of a closed door issue?

- Matt

 

Both as a matter of fact - Great place I moved innit!

Vehicle crime and ABH is a biggie here - some drugs too apparently - but hey I can handle

 

and the feminazis need to shut up and admit that men are usually MUCH stronger than most women. There aren't that many girls in my tae kwon do class, even blackbelt that could knock me out easily (I would think, I would know some though).
the fact of the matter is for women self defense they need to learn knock outs more than anything (IMO).
And don't crotch grab, thats the most retarded thing i'v ever read about for self defense.

 

Must...resist...can't...hold...it..baaack!

Quick! Someone grab his crotch and knock him out.

Anyhow, the article does carry a distinct anti-male attitude. Them against, us mentallity. We will have to address this at the 2005 Helping Oppress Women (H.O.W) convention.

Hey, for the record I've practiced in classes where on average I was outweighed by at least 40lbs by everyone else present and I was still one of the top three fighters. I learned to work around the limitation and use what I have to my advantage. I thought that was what martial arts was really suppossed to show people.

 

then you are good.
the average woman, blackbelt or not, isn't that good.

 

Nightstrike

I can pick hundreds of women that I have trained with who could quick easily take care of a 15 yrs old boy.

The need to be able to KO someone is just as important for men as it is women. The article accurately points out that men often refer to women as the "weaker" sex, I can imagine I would get pretty miffed if all I read was I'm weaker than many others.

 

Lets make this very clear - I'm not a "Feminazi"

I KNOW that women aren't as strong as men - thats why I endeavour to perfect technique, not strength.

The more sure you are of yourself - the more likely you're going to make a mistake. I would blind someone before going for their crotch area, I would kick their knee backwards, I would stamp on their toes, stick my fingers up their nose, you name it I would do it! However, If I did end up that close to some one and I couldn't reach their face, a crotch grab would be show-stopper.

Knockouts in my experience - need to be done in the right place, no hit and hope - you miss you don't get a second chance. Male instructors have told me that I won't have the strength in my wrist/arm to punch, so they have said I should elbow strike, kick, even head butt before I went in arms flailing.

To say any "distraction" technique is "retarded" isn't an answer. Try and put yourself in place of the weaker woman and make suggestions - please don't resort to name calling.

Melanie
Topic Moderator

 

Absolutely right Judderman.

I may be the "weaker" sex but I am just as cunning, just as fast (possibly faster as I will be of less weight and mass) and just as high on adrenalin.

 

Stay with me for just a second on this one while I go off topic: when you're considering home security, the advice usually given by former house thieves is that you don't have to make your house an impenatrable fortress... just make it look like robbing it would be more hassle than robbing other houses.
Back to topic: you don't have to dominate and/or knock out an attacking rapist, just make it alot of hassle to try and rape/assault you (i.e. put up a resistance, don't panic & freeze) and you might get out of it. As the article says, the success rate of women who aggressively defend themselves is high.

 

I know more than a few women who could change your mind. And they don't even do martial arts. Never under estimate the other half of humanity. It's wicked, evil, spiteful and never ever ever ever ever ever forgets. Ever! And they pull hair too. I'm sure if you continue to voice such stupid opinions you soon discover the darker side to the gentler sex.

 

Typically overstated hyperbole covering what could be a valuable piece. She raise valid points, but only briefly.

Women need a different attack/defense strategy because they face being attacked for different reasons. A man may be attacked for financial/territorial reasons (the "what are you looking at?" scenario), whereas a woman faces sexual motivation or partner-dominance as equally common motives.

And yes, if a man is walking down an alley late at night and gets mugged I will say "poor judgement" just as readily. Also I would like to know how in teh blue blazes she thinks the law comes down hard on women who defend themselves? If anything the opposite is true - certainly in all the cases I have handled anyway. No man thinks he has a right to dominate women - certainly not a "real man" anyway. That is the kind of ridiculous rhetoric that makes me want to discard the whole article. Maybe someone should mention that there are far more male victims of assault than women.

It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness. The author needs to bear that in mind

 

I will start this first to make sure that my points are clear:
- A man beating/raping a man is AWFUL
- A man beating/raping a woman is AWFUL
- A woman beating/raping a man is AWFUL (it does happen)
- REAL WORLD VIOLENCE IS AWFUL

Also, what is this rape is so much worse than assualt statement. Yes, rape is worse than getting a bloody nose from a punch. But sometimes serious assualt cause permanent major injuries, not to mention the physcological issues.

Woman have successfully defended themselves, men have successfully defended themselves. I'd say most of the time, the attacker has came out on top. This is due to the guy/girl choosing his/her victim. Real life isn't MA where your opponent is roughly the same size and has the same experience as you. In real life the attacker chooses the person that appears easy.

This article seems to have this man versus woman thing happening. It's you versus your attacker. The differences in sex's may change the nature of the attack, but it still happens. It doesn't matter what some other woman or man did to successfully depend themselves - it's what you can and can't do.

In terms of the man versus woman thing. There's a correlation between sex and size/strength. Being 6 foot six and 220 pounds is much more beneficial than being 5 foot and 100 pounds.

I do agree with what she's saying about it not being lady like to fight back. This is an issue with a lot of woman (probably not many on this site though). I do think a woman needs to accept that the term self defense is not true, she's talking about fighting as a form of self defense.

The best answer for anybody is to not be there. There's no talk about avoidance in this article.

I do wonder if something bad had happened to her. If so, she should seek professional help. Life's too short to be filled with anger.

 

The posting was extreme but highlights the obvious - men commit most violent crime and almost all rape. Therefore, potential victims need defence tactics. Physical weakness of most women in relation to most men makes defence more difficult. The style is almost a rant against men.

In India, a woman who fails to satisfy her new bridegroom in any respect may be found dead, having 'committed suicide' in her kitchen by pouring kerosene over herself and igniting it. She may be married off at six years old to ensure a virgin bride or kidnapped by relatives from the UK and disappear into her new 'family' in Bangladesh. And who abuses women in this way? Often it is other women relatives - so let's get some perspective here. Women also get involved in setting up date rape and violence here in the UK too, so let's not be too exclusive in our blame.

Ask door staff (men or women) what their worst jobs are and most will include separating women fighting in a drunken frenzy of tooth and claw.

I'm a supporter of anything which helps women to protect themselves - I have taught SD and have 2 daughters - but don't underestimate any woman in the throes of a scratching and biting, kicking and butting fury! If as a woman you have no training, just 'go mental' - many men will give up and try elsewhere.

The original posting reads like something from the 80's. It's time to move on. We've lots of new and more relevant issues such as drug rape to deal with.

 

So many valid points.

We can't pretend we know what the authors motivation was for writing this, but what we can ascertain is that many women just simply don't think!

I have an excellent example for you:

I have just moved to a rather dodgy area and frankly once my six months rent it up I'm going. About a week after I moved in a lady moved in next door to me and we got chatting. She explained she had heard there had been violence and problems of all sorts round here and was worried (but had little choice but to move). Within two weeks she made an incredibly bad judgement call. I was just walking back to my flat and I walk past her front door each time. She had her exterior light on outside her front door with a Huge sign saying "Gone to """""""" Pub, meet me there or call me on """""" """""""""" " - I was stunned! First of all she had admitted that the flat was empty, where she had gone, and put her personal mobile phone out for the whole neighbourhood! I spoke with her the following night and she just said it had never occurred to her...till I explained what it all could have meant.

Not everyone "plays" the victim, some people just are the victim I guess. This lady is older than I am and quite bright, it just simply didn't occur to her what the problem might have been.

The point I am trying to make is that although most of us have been brought up to be careful in dark and lonely places and not talk to strange men, some people who have perhaps had a little more sheltered life haven't by nurtured to think like that.

 

Agreed! People used to ask me how I removed women from a premises, because they'd assume that I wouldn't physically hurl them out! It always surprised them to know that whatever lock I used on a man when removing him, I applied twice as hard to a woman! The reasoning is simple, if you're removing girls they get really miffed and will do you serious harm if they get out of your hold. The majority of guys will either just accept they're being thrown out or occasionally try and punch you in the face (how very honourable of them ). Might sound sexist but it's my eyes/face/crotch on the line! The area immediately surrounding a frenzied woman is not where any man (or woman) wants to be... and that goes for attackers/rapists as well.