Abusive neighbour

Discussion in 'Self Defence' started by Smitfire, Jun 14, 2019.

  1. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Anyone had any experience on how to deal with an abusive neighbour?
    The relationship with one of our neighbours has been up and down for a while but for the last couple of years settled into us mutually ignoring each other.
    Until earlier this week when he verbally abused my wife (in the presence of my two kids) as he went into his house as she was leaving ours.
    Told her to shut her 'expletive' mouth as she was telling our kids off.
    I went round the next evening and politely said that while I'm sure we aren't the perfect neighbours, neither was he and that while I'm willing to ignore certain things that annoy me I will not tolerate my family being shouted at in the street.
    All I got was being told to 'expletive' off and the door slammed in my face.

    Anyone got any ideas on the right way to handle this sort of thing?
     
  2. Dead_pool

    Dead_pool Spes mea in nihil Deus MAP 2017 Moi Award

    He's either got anger issues he's redirecting to you, or he's a bit of a "one."

    Neither of which is worth your time, and it's very unlikely you will change his emotional stance.

    I had a similar thing a few years ago when I last moved, it turns out my neighbours have now split up, and the husband that's left, is a genuinely nice guy, who was just in a very unhappy place at the time.
     
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  3. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    This guy is a class A twonk. No redeeming qualities whatsoever. If he's going through a bad patch it's lasted about 40 years.
    I don't want him to change his stance or suddenly be my best mate.
    Just never raise his voice towards my family again.
     
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  4. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

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  5. Morik

    Morik Well-Known Member Supporter MAP 2017 Gold Award

    I guess one option would be to talk to the local police department and see if his behavior violates some law (maybe disturbing the peace or harassment of some sort?).
    There may be something they can do if you make a complaint each time it happens.
    Another option might be to have your family record him if they feel safe doing so.
    I don't think talking to him yourself is going to accomplish anything given his attitude.
     
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  6. CrowZer0

    CrowZer0 Assume formlessness.

    Might fall under ASBO laws, check your local council website, I recently had to complain about neighbours who played loud music, (I mean so loud I can hear it through my headphones and shaking my floor) from 10 11pm until 5am. They did it once I knocked on the door asked them to keep it down, was greeted by someone completely intoxicated, they stopped. Did it again a couple of days later, I left a note saying next time I'm contacting the authorities. Happened again a couple of weeks ago. I woulnd't mind if it was maybe a Friday or a special event, but on a Tuesday when I'm up for work at 7am it's not on. I did some searching on who to complain to, found out it falls under ASBO laws that the local councils handle, they've been given a warning and while I was checking out the ASBO rules a lot of things are covered, aggressive, shouting, harrasing, threatning neighbours. Shouting at your wife and kids could certainly fall under threatening or harrasing, so I would look into that.
     
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  7. Mushroom

    Mushroom De-powered to come back better than before.

    It can fall under it, if the swearing and abusive behaviour is constant and ongoing. However, the problem is the enforcing of the ASBO.
    If all you want is to him to not swear at your family and just ignore each other, then that's probably what the Police / Legal folk will tell you to do. Having an ASBO means lengthy and multiple meetings with the safer neighbourhood teams. As there is an assessment on the guy who may receive such ASBO. he may have underlying Mental Health issues or he's simply just a complete Richard. There is a balance that needs to be looked into as well as use of tax-paying funds. IE is it really worth having him taken to Court and possible punishments which goes on his perma-record?

    The other question is...how has he been after your little one sided chat?
     
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  8. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Not seen him since tbh.
    But that's not unusual as we work totally different hours.
    As long as it stays like this I'm all good.
     
  9. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    I remember the worst neighbours I had. From day one they were not interested in being nice and their kids were little brats.

    I hope your resolve this!
     
  10. Frodocious

    Frodocious She who MUST be obeyed! Moderator Supporter

    One thing to be aware of is that, if you escalate it and make an official complaint, you will have to declare the problem if you want to sell the house. This could obviously impact on your sale.
     
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  11. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Yeah...I've known this for a while and that's one reason I've not done anything "official".
    Just a polite word for now.
     
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  12. Mushroom

    Mushroom De-powered to come back better than before.

    Where do you live? Lets have the next MAP Meet there :D
     
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  13. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Haha....York. You can all stay at my house. :)
     
  14. axelb

    axelb Master of Office Chair Fu

    I was informed if this before lodging a complaint with a noisy abusive druggy neighbour, but we already had plans to move.
    Had the same where I live now, but fortunately they sold and moved out.

    Now I have neighbours who aren't druggies, are generally polite, but are noisy and can't park. Still better than previous.

    You could always go full Ned Flanders on him, nothing confuses the heck out of aggressive person than an overly polite diddly ite neighberoony.
     
  15. Ero-Sennin

    Ero-Sennin Well-Known Member Supporter

    Sorry to hear your problem. I put up a board on board privacy fence around my acre of property to block my neighbors out, I hardly even see them at all. Not an option for everyone.

    Next option: cause them enough emotional turmoil they leave.

    Get an Amazon Prime account so you get free two day shipping. Order some cheap nothing that makes no sense every other day, or once a week. Keep the purchases from 1-5 dollars so you're not spending a lot. The goal is to send something to the neighbors house regularly. Now there are two ways of doing this:

    1.) If the neighbor has a girlfriend or wife that lives there, ALWAYS send the package addressed to her. On the "would you like to write a note?" option on the Amazon check out page, say something like, "had a great time lastnight, hope this makes you smile" or "from your secret admirer."

    2.) If the neighbor lives alone, address the package to them and in the "would you like to write a note" option just write something creepy but not illegal/harassing, and aimed towards making them uncomfortable in their home. The ideas I have wont work for ToS.

    Good Luck.

    (the idea for this comedian Steve Hofstetter in one of his standups, I take no credit for the genius, just thought it was perfect for this thread)
     
  16. Tman

    Tman Valued Member

    It's a very unfair system. Neighbors a jerk , costs you thousands. However, you could sue for any financial loss to your home.

    Document everything.

    The other option would be to simply sell now. I know it's not what you want, and that it feels like running away.

    However, once you've moved the problem is finished. An expensive solution but the peace would be priceless.


    It's very difficult dealing with jerk neighbors in the UK, the system caters for them. Stay as calm and self controlled as you can though, sounds like you've been doing that.

    (Mod note: Edited for implied profanity)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2019
  17. EdiSco

    EdiSco Likes his anonymity

    That's out of order! Do you have cousins/pals from gym? Invite a half a dozen over and start doing some pad work/sparring outside your house ;)

    There's no need to be polite....if it were me, I'd have said some like "you obviously think you're tough guy...brave...get in the boxing ring with me for half a round".......
     

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