Letter from the Tooth Fairy

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by aikiMac, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. aikiMac

    aikiMac aikido + boxing = very good Moderator Supporter

    Dear NNN,

    I know that you left your tooth for me earlier, and I was so excited to come get it, but I just did not make it to your apartment before morning. I had so many teeth to pick up that night that by the time I got to your neighborhood the sun was rising, and as you know, Tooth Fairies can only come at night.

    You’re probably wondering why last night was any different. Well, you wouldn’t believe what happened yesterday, but I’ll tell you anyway. The reason why my work took so long last night was that I had to use a shoe to carry all my teeth, because my friend Esmerelda had my magic tooth bag (magic tooth bags can hold all the teeth we gather without getting heavy -- I love my magic bag!), and you can imagine how many teeth fit in a very small fairy shoe. Not more than two, I tell you! Fairy shoes are very small, because our feet our very small, because we are very small. I could only carry two teeth at a time last night! Now you’re probably wondering why Esmerelda had my bag, so I will tell you why: it’s because her sister Lucy broke the pickle jar.

    Yes, Lucy broke the pickle jar, but fortunately it didn’t break completely. The pickles were saved, but a lot of the juice did spill on the floor, and it was stinky, but she has three pet cats and three pet dogs and three pet weasels who all love love love pickle juice, so the nine pets licked up the entire mess before her mom even knew what happened. While the animals were licking the floor, Lucy got a big bowl from the cupboard, and then she got the milk container out of the fridge, and then she poured all of the milk into the bowl, and then with scissors she carefully cut the top off of the milk container, and then she poured all of the pickles and remaining pickle juice into the milk container.

    “Perfect!” she said.

    Except that, she was worried that the milk might spill from the bowl, because bowls aren’t really good for holding milk in the fridge. They’re too sloshy. Bowls are good for holding potato salad and lettuce salad and pea salad and other types of things that don’t slosh like milk. So, Lucy got another bowl from the cupboard, and she took the juice bottle out of the fridge (I forgot to ask what type of juice it was), and she poured all of the juice into the new bowl. Then, she poured all of the milk into the juice bottle.

    “Perfect!” she said.

    Except that, now she was worried that the juice might spill from the bowl, because bowls aren’t really good for holding juice in the fridge either, because juice is just as sloshy as milk. So, she walked around her house for a few minutes wondering what to do, and then she noticed the fish bowl.

    “That’s perfect for juice!” she said.

    So, she grabbed the flower pot that held her mom’s most beautiful carnation, and she carefully emptied the flower and all of the dirt onto the table, and then she carefully picked up the fish bowl (it’s not very big, because fairy fish are not very big, because fairies are not very big) and she carefully poured all of the water and the fish into the flower pot. And then she poured all of the juice into the fish bowl, and then she put the fish bowl into the fridge. Fish bowls are okay for holding juice because they’re made to not slosh, or else the fish might slosh out onto the carpet and get eaten by pet cats, and that would be so sad.

    This wasn’t perfect yet because there was still a big mess of dirt on the kitchen table, so next Lucy got the sugar bowl from the cupboard and gently poured out all of the sugar. Then, she neatly swept all of the dirt into the sugar bowl and then very, very carefully replanted the carnation in the dirt. The flower looked a little thirsty after all that moving around, because flowers aren’t really used to moving around, not having legs or arms or fingers or toes or really anything at all to move with except their stems, which are kind of like necks, and if all you had on your body was a neck you wouldn’t move very much either. So, she poured some water into the dirt, and then put the sugar bowl near a window to get some healthy sunlight.

    “Perfect!” she said.

    Except that there now was a big mess of sugar on the table top. The cookie jar didn’t have very many cookies in it, she knew, because yesterday she had eaten most of them with her friends after school at the park where they played for three hours on the swings, just swinging and laughing and eating cookies, which sounds like a delightful afternoon and I wish I had been there too, so she took the lid off of the cookie jar and reached in and carefully pulled out all of the remaining cookies without breaking them or eating them (and that was very hard to do, because they smelled very good), and she placed them on the table. Then she neatly swept all of the sugar into the cookie jar.

    “Perfect!” she said. And then she said, “But where should the cookies go?”

    And then she remembered her sister (my friend) Esmerelda has a magic tooth bag. Lucy put the cookies in Esmerelda’s tooth bag, and that’s why Esmerelda was using my bag last night, and that’s why I was carrying teeth in my other shoe.

    The end.

    Oh, except that you wanted to know what I do with all the teeth. Well, it's supposed to be a secret. There are lots of stories about what fairies do with teeth, some of them more true than others. If you promise not to tell very many people, I’ll let you know. Do you promise? Okay, we use the teeth we collect to build a huge, giant, shining castles with lots of windows and towers and rooms and garden areas.

    Here’s a picture that I drew of my friend Esmerelda. It’s not perfect, but I think it sort of looks like her.

    Good night!
     
  2. philosoraptor

    philosoraptor carnivore in a top hat Supporter

    I was expecting the ending to be a shaggy dog "Better Nate than lever," type pun. Now I'm disappointed.
     
  3. philosoraptor

    philosoraptor carnivore in a top hat Supporter

    "The moral of this story is always tell the tooth!"
     
  4. aikiMac

    aikiMac aikido + boxing = very good Moderator Supporter

    No, silly, it's a Bert and Ernie sketch from Sesame Street. Bert had to wear a pot on his head to play cowboy, instead of his cowboy hat, because Ernie broke the cookie jar.
     
  5. philosoraptor

    philosoraptor carnivore in a top hat Supporter

    Is tooth beauty? Or is beauty tooth?
     

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